Sister Amy and St. Stephen by Daniel A. Carrano - Short, Comedy - An unlikely match meet on a blind date. - pdf, format 8)

Well written enough - just didn't find anything funny. Maybe it;s me

ELDAVE1 - Thanks for being honest. After reading your comment, I went back and read the script again. I, also, found it to be dull. Maybe, I rushed posting this one.

Hi Daniel,
An interesting short piece. I know they say less is more when script writing but I think this could use a bit more character development or at least a bit more of a back story. The writing is good, but like Dave I struggled to hit on the comedic tone... A couple of mildly amusing moments. I think you could draw out Stephens awkwardness and shyness a bit more and turn that around in the bedroom... Perhaps a sexual position gone wrong, which then surprisingly, goes right... I didn't really see Stephen doing much in the bedroom montage to suggest to Amy that it was the best sex she's ever had.
My $0.02 worth only.
Best wishes
Chris

TBH, I was a little aroused reading it. But I don't get it. Is it a fantasy?

I figured, in the beginning, I'd show two people that have nothing in common, but, in the end, he's a coward that needs motivation through force and she's into that. Opposites attract. She makes him feel loved. He makes her feel needed.

I showed this screenplay to a couple of friends, because I wasn't sure if it was funny or just funny to me. They told me it was funny.... I'm thankful for this discussion board. Now, I know this needs a lot of work.

Thanks everyone.

Daniel,

A few notes.\

You give us a couple of pretty good characters who become banal in the end.  While you make a big deal of the white, it doesn't come into play much.  Amy doesn't much try to be a nun.  While you have the props for some comedy, they're not used.  If we're going to pay for the white and crosses, give us something funny about them.

best
Richard

Quoted from CarranoD ELDAVE1 - Thanks for being honest. After reading your comment, I went back and read the script again. I, also, found it to be dull. Maybe, I rushed posting this one.

Not a problem, mate. The good news is that you have general style/format down.