High Tech by Daniel Smith - Sci Fi, Fantasy - When his best friend announces his engagement, James, a slacker, must become more independent and stop sponging off him. He meets an inspiring woman “Kat” and his life begins to take shape. However something still troubles James... as he is a robot. 98 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Daniel,

I read to about page 50 so far.  There are a few things that I noticed.  

First of all, I think the idea is great.  

I think Kat is introduced a little too late in the story.  I know we see her for one scene early on, but that's it.  She doesn't do anything but run away.  I think she should be introduced earlier.  

It's a little slow for my liking.  And that's not a bad thing, just not for me.  I think it could be made apparent earlier on how James starts to become depressed/angry how everyone views and treats robots.  

I find the CUT TO: to be a little off putting, but that's just me.  

You need to go over your script for spelling mistakes.  I noticed a few.  I proof read the hell out of mine, and I still find a few every time I do, so take a good look at it.  One time you used "your" when you should have used "you're".  I only mention those because the whole "your" and "you're" thing is a big pet peeve of mine.

Anyway, like I said, I like the idea.  You need to take a good look at it and look for those errors.  

Hopefully some other people will chime in for you.

Good luck,

Nolan

Hi Daniel,

Decided to give this a read because it's an interesting concept. I'm at page 30, and I really like the dialogue and you do a decent enough a job describing the futuristic setting.

The captivating opening scene made this seem like it would move at a brisk pace, but thus far, not much has gone on plot-wise. I guess the inciting incident is Mark telling James that he's getting married, but I think you should've made it more clear where this script is headed by this point. Also, I'm a bit confused as to what exactly the Kat character was trying to do in her opening scene.

I'll keep reading.