The Shadow Demon by Donald E. Marx - Horror - When a father and daughter begin experiencing paranormal activity in their new house, they put together a team to investigate. When the shadows come alive, they get more than expected in a night of desperation and terror. Maybe ghost hunting is best left to the professionals.  105 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey, Donald

First, as always I like to say congrats to those who are able shell out features. So, congrats. My first  impressions... the premise seems as though that should be one sentence. I know it may not seem like much but a premise can be a tell-tell sign in how the writing is.

Whenever I open a script, I literally scroll just to see what leaps out. Right away I noticed a ton of dialogue compared to descriptive narrative, which could be sign that most of the plot is carried in the dialogue, a lot of exposition. Just to be sure, I did read a few pages and this seems to be the case, at least in the beginning. Also...

Quoted Text INT. BRYCE’S ROOM BRYCE and RANCE are in Bryce’s room on the computer checking out local haunted houses

Why after the SLUGLINE do you tell us they are in the room. I just don't want people to be turned off before you got a chance to get into a story I'm sure you want to share. I did like the "lumberjack line."

BLB