SuperMick by 0 - Short, Comedy - A film crew travel to a small town in Ireland to unravel the truth behind local unpopular superhero, SuperMick.  6 pages - pdf, format 8)

As soon as saw the Title it had to be Irish and written by an Irishman, just not this one.

Pretty funny, I was wondering where you going with it and that's a typical Irish humor answer at the end... It works for me, but then again I get it.

Good job on entering

I always wondered why Ireland never had a national superhero.  Well, now we know.  I liked how everyone in town was utterly oblivious to the obvious identity of Supermick, even his wife.  Guinness as flying fuel was a clever touch.  The dragon came out of absolute nowhere, but I think it worked as it gave Supermick the push he needed to get the hell out of Ireland.

This had to have been written by an Irishman over some pints of the black stuff.  Good script.

It's very funny. Reads well and a great little story. Funny and all. Very nice job. I liked it a lot.

Good one. Although I have to admit I didn't get the Irish humor at the end. That kinda fell flat for me.
Nice work though.

NO, NO,NO! This was really good  - heading towards an 8 perhaps - but I felt letdown by the ending! Keep up the comedy to the very last full stop please!


6 laughs out of 10

Writer,

Well done. I'm a sucker for fart jokes so when SuperMick bends his knees slightly and let's out a squeaky one I was on the floor! Pretty good story all around. One of my favs.

Steve

Right then, this is genius, absolute bloody genius, head and shoulders above anything I've read so far.

It's kinda like Spinal Tap, spliced with Father Ted somehow starring Superman. Mate this is fecking good, come the end of the day give it to Waterford Whispers and see if they can do anything to it, right up their street. Well in

A found footage style superhero lark. Very inventive, Supermick has a funny character and funny powers. I did feel the joke about no-one recognising Mick was overplayed. It was funny the first time (and a very apt Superman/Clark Kent joke) but then you repeated it a few more times. The dragon came literally out of left field but I suspect you needed to wrap this up quickly due to the page count.

A very worth entry. I’d recommend playing around with this some more once the OWC is over.

-Mark

I smiled all the way through this one... maybe even chuckled once or twice. Not sure about the punchline, but the premise and Supermick character are both excellent. With some work, this could be great. A consider.

Clever writing and very busy for a six pager.  Kept me enthralled.
I enjoyed it, brought back some fond memories from my 5 previous visits to the Emerald Isle.
A farting Superhero... That's a gas!

Good one! The dialog is snappy. The story is clever. The dragon was a perfect foil for Super Mick's power to fly and to provided an ending that Mick wasn't very super. The ending line would play well in a pub. I  haven't found a true belly laugher yet but this is almost there.

It's a comedy about a superhero and it's a unique take in a unique setting.  It's well done.

May be a tad slow and not overly laugh out loud hilarious, and I don't understand the final joke, but it's well done and a solid entry.

Good job.

Well set up and a great premise - I very much liked the aspect of the - in search of a superhero documentary.

The gags related to no one recognizing him as the superhero worked - but were a bit over done.

The dragon thing lost me entirely. I thought this was rolling pretty smoothly up to that point and then it just fell off the cliff for me.

It was good until the end.  That was a bit of a let down.  I guess I missed the joke.  Which is always bad.

Written from the other side of the pond, I'm sure...

7.0/10

Dan

I liked this a lot and the characters seemed nice and real, like watching Calvary or The Guard.

Loved that no one knew who he really was, and that they liked Mick but had SuperMick, nice touch.

The Dragon was a little out of left field for me, but I'll forgive it based on the previous pages.

Very good effort

Agree with everyone said, at first I read it like "Chronicle" with a funny twist. The dragon is a little bit too much but I see its purpose.
One of the best.

This was well handled.

I got a Little confused on the photo but that's me.

If anything I think you missed a few opportunities to explore the humour especially in the ending. For example, his wife could shout out 'save us Mick, he won't let us down' then we cut to the beach. Not sure they needed to die, just the village burned down, better tone.

But hell this is a OWC and some fine tuning free is always advised.

I would also see how you can cut the filming expense down to make it more achievable. It would be nice to see on screen.

Nice work.

fine as far as it goes.  I'm no fan of body jokes, so that didn't work so well.  And Mick not being a hero was certainly a let down.

Not bad. Given the title, I expected this to be a lot more stereotypical and possibly offensive... in ways which would potentially be lost on me, not being from Ireland (I got the heritage though and travelled the country last August). Not the case.

Clever premise, and the matter-of-factness of it all works to its benefit. You could've so easily forced this and ruined it. The dragon was a little out of left field, but I went with it, and the final line paid off for me. The Guinness farts did not (thought it was corny), but that's one gag amongst many.

Not LOL funny, but I'd be lying if I said the ideas didn't work. Could work much better onscreen with a couple of decent actors. Again... not bad.

I enjoyed this one. The fart jokes didn’t really work for me, but I can see how they’d work for others. I liked the gag where Anne is the only one who can see Mick and SuperMick are the same person, though I think that joke is repeated without enough variation to really justify the repetition. One thing that struck me is that this whole town is oblivious even though Mick and SuperMick basically have the same name. It could’ve been funny to see Anne desperately trying to convince these people of the obvious, but the script never really went there the way it could have.

I also like that SuperMick pusses out when given the chance to be heroic. Could’ve been funny if, in the wake of his cowardice, people finally recognize who he is. So there were some missed opportunities, but enough there to be enjoyable.

Pretty good entry, I thought.

I wish I was at Flannery's right now, drinking a pint of the black stuff with Anne, Jimmy and Mick before they got toasted by the dragon. Liked the found footage approach and the comic nature of his powers. Some minor grammar things (Son, did you see that fucking thing) is a question, but liked all the Irish slang and flavor. Cheers!

A bit sophomoric, but a lot of good humor is. Some grammatical stuff here and there, but that didn't really bother me. The only problem for me was it took the long way to get to the payoff, which was good. So mixed emotions about this one.  Still, good effort here.

Verdict: Consider, with reservations

All the best,
Gary

Well the dragon was a surprise but other than that I enjoyed this, using farts as propulsion seems a bit childish but is a good way to explain how he can fly.

As soon as the dragon entered I was hoping for a showdown between SuperMick's gas and the dragon's fire, but I liked the ending you chose.

I'm not sure I read the same script as everyone else.

I enjoyed the found footage aspect of it, but overall it was a bunch of dialogue and a fart joke.

It was a little confusing that SuperMick looked exactly like Mick, but I eventually figured it out.

For the most part it was well written, it's just not my cup o'tea.

Congrats.

Jordan

Not as big a fan as others on this entry.
The ending took a dump on my head, because everything seemed to be set up for the showdown:  the much-reviled hero uses his gas-powered ability to fly into the belly of the beast. Saves the village and such.
Instead, Supermick lives up to his label as a sorry bloke.  I kind of get it, but I wanted to smile at the end. I guess I wanted to happy Irish ending. Don't mind me, I'm full of it. Still, a good, solid effort.  

Not bad imo, although too long for what it is. The whole script shows talks about the guy everybody in town dislikes – then the payoff only proves what they said. The slight sarcastic tone was funny. Everything is just too slow and dragging in its presentation. Anyway, others seem to like it more than me, so what...

I read it again since it's my favorite - but can't understand how's that people don't get that SuperMick and Mick are the same person. Don't know why. I wish the author explains that when the names are out.

The only problem I had with this is it combines a lot of different types of humor, which can be jarring at times. The interviews with townspeople and the whole idea of no one can see through his terrible disguise leans towards tongue-in-cheek humor (which IMO is the way to go). But then you have him flying around propelled by his own farts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for raunchy fart joke comedy but it seems out of place here. Then it ends with dark/morbid humor where he basically lets the entire town get murdered. Admittedly, I can think of plenty of raunchy comedy films that had elements of dark humor mixed in. But for a six page short it's hard to run the full gamut of comedic styles.  

The writing overall is good though. The dialogue in particular is probably the best in the contest. I'm just being extra picky cuz this has a lot of potential.  

Was okay, could have been stronger with a better finish. You set it up where he had the chance to be a hero but then confirmed what people thought of him, even though the regular version of him is supposed to be a top bloke. Felt like a let down.

I prefer the ending that is there now... at least in terms of he being a let down. I don't particularly like the dragon part and believe that needs to be reworked... but for 7 days, it's a decent enough place holder.

Ok,

Since some are outing themselves and I'm not sure if I'll be around this week when the writers are released, I'll go ahead and own up to SuperMick as my doing. Seemed like it was obvious to some ;)

The six page limit was tough, but I was quite pleased with how it turned out. Especially compared to my other OWC entries. I know a few didn't like the dragon, I wasn't mad about it either, but I needed something big to happen to wrap it up quick. I am considering taking this one further, so I'll work that one out.

Once again, thanks to everyone that read this one and gave their thoughts. Really is quite amazing. And, I'm glad some seemed to enjoy it, I'll let you guys know if SuperMick Returns ;)

Not blowing smoke up your proverbial Glenn, Super Mick was easily the funniest thing I've read on this site. Definitely my no.1 pick.  

I wouldn't mind a read of an extended version if one gets written, maybe more backstory on everyone hating him

Well... Thank you, my man! This was my first time writing comedy, so if anyone thought it was remotely funny that was a win for me. Glad it got you laughing, Cam!

Also, in your comment on the script, you mentioned Waterford Whispers. I see you're based in Melbourne. You Irish in any way?

LOL, ya sneaky Irish bastard, you denied it til the very end.  I was really wondering if some non-Irish writer had the nuts to call their character Supermick.

Anyway, you got one of my votes.  Plus I thought SM was the best character in the owc.  

Hey Glenn,

If that's a first attempt at comedy I'd definitely give it another shot. Must be an Irish thing just getting it like that.

Lol, actually scottish/aussie, the Missus is from Belfast though so if the kids are any good at football then they've got options for nationalities. Some of Irish lads over here I used to play football with got me onto Whispers, it's a bit close to the bone some of it but Super Mick just seemed to fit in with their more outlandish efforts.

Anyway, I'd definitely take it forward, maybe Shooting The Shorts? I'm new here so not sure how that works, but saw someone talking about it

Nice job on this, Glenn. Was my 2 pick. Some dry humor, and it hit the right notes. Well done in the time provided. Like Dustin, I also look at these OWC scripts as if they are going to be produced so that's why I wasn't necessarily enthralled with the dragon, but the rest was gold and very produceable. Good luck.

Steve

Hey, great job, Glenn. My numb 1 as well. Closely followed by Johnny, but this one was the funniest. And, generally, I hate fart jokes, I seriously do.

Had me fooled. Really liked this one. Nice work, mate.

Ah Jaysus, thanks everybody for the kind words.

Quoted from Ryan1 LOL, ya sneaky Irish bastard, you denied it til the very end.  I was really wondering if some non-Irish writer had the nuts to call their character Supermick. Anyway, you got one of my votes.  Plus I thought SM was the best character in the owc.

I was afraid it'd be obvious that I wrote it if I based it in Ireland, so I nearly didn't but then it didn't really work. Being in the back-arse of Mayo was important for this one to feel right. But when people suspected it was me, I had to deny it.

Glad to hear you liked SuperMick (not Mick).

Hey Glenn,

Quoted from Cammygray1983 If that's a first attempt at comedy I'd definitely give it another shot. Must be an Irish thing just getting it like that. Lol, actually scottish/aussie, the Missus is from Belfast though so if the kids are any good at football then they've got options for nationalities. Some of Irish lads over here I used to play football with got me onto Whispers, it's a bit close to the bone some of it but Super Mick just seemed to fit in with their more outlandish efforts. Anyway, I'd definitely take it forward, maybe Shooting The Shorts? I'm new here so not sure how that works, but saw someone talking about it

Well, in fairness, I have always considered myself a funny bastard. Na, kidding, but really did enjoy writing this.

Ah, I lived in Perth (Australia, not Scotland) for two years. Loved it. I'm a big fan of Whispers, myself. Mostly satirical stuff though. But, I'll see what I do with this and see if there's any takers then.

Not too sure how STS works either, but I think as this is written now (with a big fuckin' dragon), it'd pretty much be non-filmable. I'd like to make the necessary changes though.

Cheers, again ;)

Quoted from StevenClark Nice job on this, Glenn. Was my 2 pick. Some dry humor, and it hit the right notes. Well done in the time provided. Like Dustin, I also look at these OWC scripts as if they are going to be produced so that's why I wasn't necessarily enthralled with the dragon, but the rest was gold and very produceable. Good luck. Steve

Thanks Steve. I'm glad you (mostly) enjoyed it. The dragon was a little rushed, but in the end I didn't get the hate I thought I would for it. So, that's cool! Going forward though, the beast shall be banished.

Cheers.

Quoted from khamanna Hey, great job, Glenn. My numb 1 as well. Closely followed by Johnny, but this one was the funniest. And, generally, I hate fart jokes, I seriously do.

Thank you!! Not into fart jokes, myself. But, I had to think of something that made him an Irish superhero. Guinness farts that make you fly! Now, that's Irish.

Glad you saw past that though, and it didn't get in the way of your enjoyment. Cheers!

Quoted from Dustin Had me fooled. Really liked this one. Nice work, mate.

Cheers, Dustin. Glad I was able to fool you. Happy to hear you enjoyed it too. Thanks for the read!

Credit where it's due. This story, to me, had all the hallmarks of a seasoned writer. Not sure that I've ever felt that way about your work before... but then, that's the thing with us writers, we're like a fine wine... we get better with age. Hopefully you can keep up with this level, because i'll definitely be interested in reading more of your work.

Great job Glenn... you had my vote.

I kinda figured it was you considering you used County Mayo as your location :D :D :D

Dustin,

Seriously, thank you. That's a high compliment coming from you. While I haven't been actively writing as much recently, I've been learning so much and reading more than I ever have. Happy to hear it's beginning to show a little. Still regard myself a newcomer to this game but want to keep improving. Cheers, mate.

Mark,

I feel Mayonians would hate me if this ever saw the light of day. The town I picked is real too. I'm already making enemies for myself. Glad to hear you enjoyed it. Cheers.

Quoted from IamGlenn I've been learning so much and reading more than I ever have.

A writer is the sum of their education and experience. Improving both will certainly show in your work.

Hey Glenn,
    Great job.  I knew the story had to come from across the pond.  I was right :)

I thought it was a funny read.  I rated it pretty highly.  It would have gotten a consider if I had been allowed to.  

Humor, especially humor from various parts of the world, is very different.  I watch some BBCTV and some of the humor I get, some I don't get.  Sometimes, words mean different things from one country to the next.  Heck, sometimes, words mean different things from one city to the next, especially slang.

Funny story, I was telling these 2 girls how this guy and me got into a romp.  In my area, romp meant fight.  Just 2 cities over, romp meant make out.  Was kinda funny...

And I know that sometimes, humor is very hard because of the different types.  Lowbrow vs highbrow, slapstick etc.  Some people love Monte Python.  Some hate him.  Some loved Benny Hill.  Some hated him (mostly women, for some reason.... ;) )

I loved the Quest for the Holy Grail from Monte Python.  One of the funniest movies I've ever seen.  I chuckle each time I think of the vorpal bunny scene.  

"This is how legends are made."  He walks up to the bunny.  Flying bunny decapitates him.  Funny funny stuff.  

I hope you do revisit this without the 6 page limit.  I hated it too.  Superhero and comedy really don't go together per se.  Then add in the 6 page limit and that made this a really hard OWC.

Great job Glenn.  Looking forward to reading any revisions you do.

Dan

Of course superhero and comedy go together. It's perfect fodder. I also disagree on the 6 page limit being a limitation in terms of making or breaking your story. Plenty of other writers managed it... indeed, in terms of entertainment, this has been a very successful OWC. Stop making excuses, stop looking for sympathy.

Good job Glenn, really enjoyed this one!

I can't agree Dustin.

Superheroes and light-heaertedness go hand-in-hand.  Superheroes and funny situations go together.  But, straight comedy doesn't really work.  Yes, stuff like the Flash and similar shows have comedy, but, they aren't comedic in nature.  It's hard to have people falling to their deaths (in Supergirl) as funny, or how Barry's mom died (in Flash) as funny.

I know this has been a huge discussion in the past, but, comedies shouldn't have death in them, unless the entire show is about death (like Death Becomes Her - not debating if it succeeded or not).  I didn't care for one of the worse offenders of death in a comedy, ie Turner and Hooch.  I saw it in the theater and everyone hated it.  The damn dog died.  How is that funny??

And to create a world (that's believable for the suspension of disbelief) in a world 0f supers is very difficult.  Sure, it can be done, and it was done, but, how well was it done?  Was there something as special as "The Elevator most belonging to Alice?"  

All 3 conditions just didn't allow for it.

Thanks Dan and Anthony. Glad to hear you both enjoyed it.

My main worry was that the humour would be too Irish.  Some people confirmed that was the case. However, a lot of people got it.

I had no qualms at all with the superhero-comedy aspect of the challenge. I think it's quite easy to have a 6 pager about a superhero that's funny. This OWC shows that, many funny scripts. Although not superhero films, there are many successful and hilarious comedies with involving supernatural beings. All you need is a slight tweak to make it a hero film. An example is "What We Do In The Shadows", a mockumentary about vampires and werewolves. Not heroes, but have powers others don't.  A little tweak and you can think of how to put superheroes in similar situations.

WWDITS is amazing and I've watched it a countless number of times and influenced me highly while I was writing SuperMick.

There are so many superhero comedies that I just don't know where to start. Google search it yourself. There are comedy films, sketches, short films, sitcoms, made all the time. There was one in my country that ran for six seasons, My Hero. It was actually quite funny. It was all about a superhero alien having a relationship and eventually even a superpower endowed baby with an Earth woman. They went through all the usual relationship and life issues. I've seen superhero comedies in various forms, countless times. It's a veritable genre unto itself.

So, superhero and comedy most certainly do go together. This has also been proven by this OWC. Look at all the successful scripts. Yours not being one of them, certainly isn't the fault of the parameters, is it. If you look deeper, and with more honesty, you'll see where the blame truly lies.

Mystery Men, starring Ben Stiller, is another example of a comedy with superheroes. It's been a while since I watched it but I remember it being decent. Hancock was a comedy, albeit pretty shite. My Super Ex-Girlfriend was a rom-com, and again, pretty shite. That's just off the top of my head. I'm sure there are plenty more.

Quoted from DustinBowcot There are so many superhero comedies that I just don't know where to start. Google search it yourself. There are comedy films, sketches, short films, sitcoms, made all the time. There was one in my country that ran for six seasons, My Hero. It was actually quite funny. It was all about a superhero alien having a relationship and eventually even a superpower endowed baby with an Earth woman. They went through all the usual relationship and life issues. I've seen superhero comedies in various forms, countless times. It's a veritable genre unto itself. So, superhero and comedy most certainly do go together. This has also been proven by this OWC. Look at all the successful scripts. Yours not being one of them, certainly isn't the fault of the parameters, is it. If you look deeper, and with more honesty, you'll see where the blame truly lies.

Oh, I wasn't trying to have sour beans.  I know my script was bad.  I fully admitted it.  The idea was too long.  Each idea that I had was too long for the OWC.  

Honestly, while there were a few good scripts, I don't think the overall quality was that good.  I don't think the scripts had either superheroes (the seamstress) or comedy (quite a few) in them.  

Perhaps your story did do okay Dustin, and you certainly have more experience then I do.  So, perhaps you can mash stuff better then I.  

My biggest issue was i couldn't find a scenario that I could fit on 6 pages.  Plenty of scripts that I read seemed like a joke that was played out.  Or a sketch.  Not really a fully formed idea.  

Certainly, I have to get better, I can't and won't argue that, but, I bet if you took a poll at the amount of people who liked the trio of the OWC (comedy, superhero, 6 page story) that a large percentage of people would say that it wasn't an optimal arrangement for any sort of unique story.

And honestly, again, I've never seen a naked gun mixed with superheroes.  Sure, they might exist, but, are they good?  Superhero and comedy aren't a good mix.  I've not seen Ant-man.  That might be the tentpole to build off of.  But, thus far, none of the Marvel movies have been comedies.  They've had funny elements in them, but, they are clearly adventure or action adventure.

Or perhaps my definition of comedy differs from yours.  To me, comedies are like Naked Gun, a Fish called Wanda,    Planes, trains, automobiles, Uncle Buck (it was bad, I know) etc.  Those are comedies.  Outside of Ant-man, which I have not seen, I can't think of a superhero movie that fits that definition of a comedy.

Dan

Quoted from IamGlenn Mystery Men, starring Ben Stiller, is another example of a comedy with superheroes. It's been a while since I watched it but I remember it being decent. Hancock was a comedy, albeit pretty shite. My Super Ex-Girlfriend was a rom-com, and again, pretty shite. That's just off the top of my head. I'm sure there are plenty more.

You got me.  Certainly, my super-ex was a comedy.  It was bad, which leads me to the point that superhero and comedy don't mix.  I liked Handcock, at least till the end.  Such a downer.

I don't know if I consider Handcock to be a comedy.  I think it's an action adventure that has comedic elements in it.  Movies are so mashed today, and rarely fit under one tentpole.

I did enjoy this and as you can see from the OWC thread, it is in my top 3. The 6 page limit didn't break this but it forced you into the quick dragon ending a bit too abruptly. I echo what others have said in that this certainly deserves fleshing out into a longer 'short' and I certainly would be interested in reading the further adventures of this Irish hero.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw The 6 page limit didn't break this but it forced you into the quick dragon ending a bit too abruptly.

Rather than the 6-page limit being the cause of this, wouldn't it be more likely to be the time scale? It would be possible to come up with an alternate ending that comes to the same or perhaps even lesser page count if he had longer to come up with one.

I think he shouldn't worry about page count on the rewrite, but at the same time, not deliberately want to go over it in the belief that is what it needs to make the story better.

If I had more time I would have written a shorter letter, is a quote we should all take heed of. A strong writer can say a lot in a very small space. A bad writer drones on and on... and on.

WWDITS is genius!

As to other examples of superhero comedies, Kickass, Toxic Avenger, Sky High, Condorman, The Mask, Zebraman... although how funny they are is obviously subjective.