The Descent of the Gods by Jacob Mooney - Action, Adventure - The Bible and our oldest myths tell of a primal age before the great flood, when heavenly beings passed from the unseen world into our own, and walked among mankind as gods. Their deeds changed our world forever. This is their story. 119 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hello Jacob.

To start, your logline doesn't really say anything.  It basically says that there is a story in this script.  What story is your script telling?  A brief description would be much more revealing as well as enticing to the reader.

The scroll basically reiterates your logline.  I find it strange that a scroll would say something like this.  I would imagine ancient scrolls telling myths would simply go about it instead of saying that it contains a story.  I have the sneaking suspicion however that this was meant to be a SUPER.

Not too familiar with the specifics of Abel and Cain but I'm guessing you're doing your own spin on the story or perhaps an alternate possibility as indicated by the "alternate dimension" piece you added to one of your slugs.  Good luck with it.

Hey John,

Thanks for the honest feedback! You're right with both of those, and I appreciate your comments.

I updated the script intro to indicate 'SUPER' instead of 'SCROLL', and reworked the Logline to focus on the main conflict and character -

"After watching evil spread unchecked throughout the world before the flood, angels descend in human form to intervene. But as their mortal forms are tempted by the very sins they came to eradicate, Enoch, a young villager, risks everything to ensure they do not fall as mankind did in Eden."

The story starts with a behind-the-scenes look at the famous Cain/Abel story, but just for the intro. The intro sets up the world, rules, and stakes involved before the real story begins years later.

I was intrigued to find a story no one ever mentioned in Sunday School in Genesis 6:1-4. So based on that, the script is the result. :-)

More on the story and how it came together at my website - http://www.thedescentofthegods.com

The very first lines in the script, the first scroll, is almost exactly the same as your log line. It's a bit tiring.

After the first five pages it's pretty certain to me that you're looking for a Cecil B. DeMille/Ten Commandments style. The angles are narrating the Narrator is narrating . . .

Sorry. Not my thing.

Thanks for giving it a shot, Wes ;-)

Yeah, I've updated the logline (see above entry) based on similar feedback.