Crewell Britannia by George Basiev - Horror - November 1944. WWII. British researchers attempt to keep 5 prisoners awake for 30 days using a gas based stimulant. The trial however lasted only 13 days… 94 pages - pdf, format 8)

George,

The GOOD:

Fellow New Yorker writer, so I stuck with this ;)

Something in your dialog kept me interested enough to stay with this. Not sure exactly what. Anticipation, maybe? Story setup? Not sure.

Subject matter is kinda fresh the way presented. I can't think of much that you mimic here, save for Freddy series or maybe Dreamscape. Although could be more not thinking of ATM.

You've got a Nazi-experiment feel from the 40's, which seems to be a never ending well. Contained, so this can be made on an extremely low budget (which may also be bad if not done correctly.)

Gordon is as active as can be for an extremely contained piece. What do you have total? 2 rooms? Good mix of diametric character personalities, although most contained with little to do except speak. Who else in this story might an actor wish to play?

The writing of the dialog is engaging, so you have something there.

The BAD:

HEAVY back and forth dialog with nothing for the actors to really do for most of the beginning, middle and end of the story. Not good.

This almost feels like a SHORT stretched out like a rubber band.

Little backstory through show. Final third of the script feels rushed, not as good as the first.

The turn into gory horror was foreshadowed and not really explained too well. Try to explain scientifically what this "drug" did exactly to give all the super-human traits while the maddening side-effects.

I was expecting a real "clever" reveal at the end of the story (why I stuck with this) and ultimately was left disappointed.

I can't see walking out of this theater without... "they're mostly all dead, good!" So, i wasn't really emotionally attached to anyone.

GL

Tony.