Stuck by 0 - Short, Comedy - A business woman gets stuck in a cab with a couple characters that push her over the edge. - pdf, format 8)

Great story, and I love how that song got quoted near the end, that was great. This was very funny, and it was a great concept.

The only issue I had with it was that Daisy was nice to Teri at the beginning, and not annoying, but then she got annoying. Teri is supposed to be annoyed by both of these characters, but one is significantly worse.

I stopped on page 4.  This just isn't for me, I'm afraid.

It's dull, and overwritten, making the 4 pages seem like much more.  I didn't find anythign funny, and although I am not familiar with cabs, I highly doubt anyone would be riding with 2 other riders, as it just doesn't make any sense.

As for the theme, being stuck in a cab, I don't see it, but then again, I didn't finish, so who knows.

No grade.

Nope, just didn't work for me, visually it was odd but to that doesn't make it a comedy, needed some more laughs. Also not really sure that Teri's really stuck in the cab, so it missed the brief.

Well written, didn't spot any typos, but it just wasn't for me.

Strangers sharing cabs like this, is that a thing?

By page 5 I was struggling, no one seemed trapped. except maybe Teri but i wasn't feeling any real narrative drive.

The constant barrage of chatup lines didn't strike my funny bone and the ending... was that it?

Sorry didn't work for me.

Trappd - a cab full of annoying characters and a Driver with no name. There is a clown who acts like a mime, and Bob who has one too any sexist pick up lines. Trei quotes Steeler's Wheel.

Script was entertaining at forst, but it seemed to wander as I went on.
Not horrible, but just not for me.

It was hard for me to buy into Daisy's gig - she's in the character, I know but so what.
So they one by one get into the cab and I'm many pages in but still don't see whats it about.

You separate every lone of dialog with an action line - I know that how you want to pace your story, but it spoils the read somehow. Also, there are a lot of looks and smiles and such. Maybe you could cut on some.

Well, every character was a lot more annoying than they should have been. Joke was a little tired, punchline with the uber didn't work well either. Bob gave me a few chuckles, but besides that, there's not much here unfortunately. Could do with a rewrite.

Not for me.

Pass.

I'm afraid I have to agree with (nearly) everyone else - didn't find this funny, or believable. It had no point to it - it just meanders along and really, it doesn't fit the challenge as when Teri wants to get out the Driver stops and lets her off (and doesn't ask for a fare...)

When Teri opens the door and sees a clown she says nothing - she gets in. Why? Why not at least ask what's going on and why the taxi is being shared?

It just didn't make any sense and even the ending isn't anything special - she gets out and phones Uber. That's it?

0 out of 5 for me.

That song must have been playing in your head when you wrote this.  That's quite an effort to put all of that into a script just so it fits the song.  Too bad it didn't quite work out.  Funny though, now that songs playing in my head...

Quoted from Jeremiah Johnson That song must have been playing in your head when you wrote this.  That's quite an effort to put all of that into a script just so it fits the song.  Too bad it didn't quite work out.  Funny though, now that songs playing in my head...

It was the only bit of the script that made me laugh (well, smile).

Some notes.

I found the man to be a one-trick pony and the clown more than annoying and cliche.  Some work on Daisy is necessary to give her something different and provocative.  

Best
Richard

Okay...  I *do* think the script was worth reading - mainly for that song punchline towards the end.  :)

A few notes on it, though:

- I'm sure it could be a lot shorter... it drags out a bit too much for the payoff

- Since when do cabs pick up more than one fare?  At least in NYC, it doesn't happen anymore, that I've experienced.

- Teri is waaaaaaaay too understanding, IMHO, re: the annoyances.  I'd be cheesed off by the company a lot faster and demanding to get out (i.e.: up the conflict and emotions more.)

- One of the other commenters was right.  Bob's too much of a one-joke guy.  Give him more annoying traits.

- Why not have Teri stay stuck in the car, rather than escape?  Maybe - they're in traffic that's so jammed she can't even open the side doors.  Or any other excuse would be good, too.  That'd give you more of a punch at the end.  IE: no matter what she does, she's stuck there!  :P

My five cents!  I do love that one song reference, though!  :))

A clever tie in of a song. Now, I know why the clown had to be in the cab.  Instead of an actual clown it might have been cool to have a person who acted clownish or an off-duty clown.  That way, when the song plays you make the connection as an "ah ha!" moment rather than a "gee that's cute" moment. Kind of like you did with Bob, only not so obvious. The more desperate  Teri is to get away the better the trapped part will be. Also, find  4 lines in the script to trim so you get rid of the 4 line overhang on page 10. And name your DRIVER.

Okay, I've never taken a cab but I'm pretty sure this sharing stuff doesn't happen. And if Teri's afraid of clowns then why did she get in the cab in the first place?
I really don't feel anyone is stuck in the cab.

I did like the song reference. I remember it fondly. But it does seem like the entire script was built to get to the one-liner.

Good work. Reads smoothly. Just a bit shallow for me.

Writer,

Very good. Wondering where all this was going. Really nowhere, but it was a pretty fun ride. Got a nice laugh at the Stealers Wheel song, as well as the bizarre fix Teri was in. I also loved her yelling "stop" and the driver screeching to a halt. Very descriptive writing here, using just the right amount of words. From the opening I could clearly see exactly what happening in my mind, after that I knew I was in for a good story. Refreshing. Only nit is there had to be a way to trim off a few lines to keep this from spilling onto page ten, no? Something like that would keep me up nights! Anyway, very good work, writer!!

Steve

A bit bizarre but there is some thing about this weird situation.

I couldn't work out why there were three in there but that's an easy fix to set up

I must rememeber some of those lines, they're better than mine ;-)

I think there would done more visually funny to this than people give it credit - what with the honk etc

It was different but just needed a variety and a bit more balance

Fair effort

Pass

Not sure where the trap was - but I'll buy it as a subtle trap (by circumstances).

Daisy was good.

Teri was inconsistent.

Bob was a wreck kike you wanted him to be - the issue is that the lines wern't  funny do they didn't land for me.

Like the thing with setting up an Uber account.

Quoted Text DRIVER I hope you don’t mind. I’ve got one more fare to pick up on the way. Teri looks at the driver. TERI I don’t mind.

Teri must be the most understanding person in the world - she's already in the cab with a weird clown and has no problem with another passenger - think an objection - even if a mild one - would have been better here.

No one was trapped, even your title suggests that. She got out when she wanted to.

Gets a bit monotonous but the song payoff was quite clever.

Didn’t laugh at any point.

Not for me.

Doesn't move a ton past the initial conflict of being trapped with colourful characters. The idea of being in a cab with a clown is fun and surreal, but the clown's gags are all so familiar that they wear thin pretty quickly. I'd like to see Teri get fed up sooner and have a more difficult time getting out of the cab -- a clear goal with mounting obstacles.

It wasn't hilarious, but it was a comfortable kind of cute. Not something I'd seek out.

I like that you tried to come up with some colorful characters. I just didn't enjoy their interactions together. Bob in particular made this impossible to get through. He literally just sat there making one bad pick up joke after another, the entire time until I stopped reading out of frustration.

There are so many other little things you could do with the fact that he's a drunk. Maybe he starts feeling like he's gonna hurl and they're freaking out trying to get the window open for him. Or he falls asleep snoring and drooling. You've gotta be more creative and unpredictable with it.

While it was well written and a creative effort, it meandered along into nothing really.

Pass

Don't you nod your head 'Yes' and shake your head 'No'? lol

Teri palms her forehead out of frustration... yeah I know she feels lol

Sorry but the old one liners dragged on and on and I've heard every one of them.
This could have been a lot shorter and I don't know if they were actually trapped either.

The Stealer's Wheel song worked, but I guess that's what you were going for so kudos to that.

Good job on entering

Oh dear, this whole script was geared up to deliver the lines from that famous song. Unfortunately you sacrifice a lot to setup this situation. I've never heard of strangers sharing a Taxi before, especially as none of them agreed to it. In my mind, she would have bailed the moment she clocked the clown, as she's afraid of them.

No-one was stuck in the taxi. They all got in of their own free will and she got out when she had had enough.

Sorry, no, not for me.

-Mark

Sorry, but, this didn't work for me either.  No one was trapped in a cab.  It was cheap, so, that part of the OWC was met.

And when does a cab pick up 3 people?  Now, you know what?  A shuttle WOULD do that.  Especially in vegas...

The characters were annoying.  Why would the cabbie allow Bob's comments?  

And if Daisy doesn't talk, how'd she call for a cab?  And how'd she let the cab know to stop over so they can force Bob out?  

It wasn't for me.  

5/10

Dan

I can see what you’re aiming for with the awkward cab ride for Teri but the idea comes across as forced for plot rather than worked organically into the idea with the rest of the story following suit.  Comedy?  Off-beat drama?  Who knows… Just all too unrealistic with characters that are annoying/rude for annoying/rude’s sake.  The Steeler’s Wheel reference gave me a smile but the rest was more of a groan.  Sorry, not for me.

Do you want the good new or the bad news first?

The bad news: It started slow and boring, and I honestly lost track of who was who and what the story was about.

The good news: Once the zingers came in, I was more interested.

INT. MOVING TAXI

Usually it would be...

INT. TAXI (MOVING) or INT. TAXI (DRIVING) or (TRAVELING)

You don't need to use CONTINUOUS in a slug. Every new scene is continuous, unless it's a flashback or something.

A few paragraphs could be broken up. They make it hard to read as is.

Um... I'd probably consider this with a MASSIVE (and I do mean MASSIVE) rewrite. That would give you at least a B-. Until then, I'll have to pass. C

Almost forgot this one, sorry.  

I really felt Teri's irritation and am not sure how she stuck it that long. Obnoxious characters need redeeming features, I reckon and we need to be really rooting for someone -Teri, in this case, and she didn't really have a lot to do other than react. There's something to this idea though - the sharing of the cab. I'd start with more stakes for Teri, perhaps make it a thriller with three strangers. As a comedy it didn't really hit the high notes for me. Not a bad idea, just needs more. Clever tie in with the song.

I think I liked this better than most, but I'd still echo a lot of the other reviewers points. There's not much narrative drive and it felt like the same beat was getting hit over and over again. Probably the side effects of having the whole thing stuck in a taxi is that it's hard for Teri to push back against this in a way that isn't just repetitive complaining.

A small, random note, but maybe consider letting Bob keep his beer and make Teri a recovering alcoholic who is terrified of clowns. Might add more variety as you run it through again with that in mind.

I can see the approach: Who would be the worst person to be stuck in a cab with? A clown. Next worst? Creep with corny chatup lines. That counts as trapped for me, but why is she sharing with anybody? It could work if  there is a shutdown on public transport so they are forced to share. I don't know, I just went with it.

I thought at first that Daisy might have been in her imagination, like DROP DEAD FRED because she freezes, and the driver makes no reference to begin. That would have made it interesting rather than just odd.

Didn't see the song coming, I laughed at the daftness.

"I’d like to set up an Uber account" would be a good line to end, it went on a little after that.