Daddy by Marcus Walton - Short, Drama - A father's love for his daughter is expressed emotionally and sometimes physically.  9 pages - pdf, format 8)

So straight away you have errors on your title page. The title goes where it says Script Title, not under it.

You spelt copyright incorrectly.

The entire script is over written, especially the character descriptions. Maybe instead of this:

“In the room stands a well built forty seven year old ANTHONY, staring at wedding photos.”

You could have:

ANTHONY, 47, well built, stares at wedding photos.

It condenses your almost 2 line description into half a line.

As seen above, a lot of the writing is passive.

I am not sure why you opted not to fade in at the beginning but instead to fade in at the beginning of a flashback after a scene heading.

No need to say the priest begins to speak. We know he does when you give him dialogue.

I think you can lose all the parentheticals.

The dialogue is on the nose and cringe worthy.

Some of the scene headings need work.

When addressing someone directly you need a comma, for example, “yes sir” would be “yes, sir”

Needs a lot of work.

Good luck with it.

Thank you for the insight it's very helpful and I will keep your advice in mind

Marcus,

Some notes.

This one reads like something forced rather than something natural.  The English isn't good, and the dialogue is something taken from a thousand TV shows.  I think you could benefit from reading good scripts and then figuring out why they're good.  

Best
Richard

Marcus,
reading good scripts and analyzing the style will help you a lot. The story is good for a short but it needs work. You can do it!
My best,
Fausto

Maybe it's just me and my perverted mind, but this script has a lot going on beneath the surface. Not only did I question the father's relationship with his daughter at the beginning, but now I'm also skeptical of the father and his son-in-law. I mean, the script ends with the dad beating his son-in-law with a belt like he's in 50 Shades of Grey.

Anyways, I realize this wasn't your intention but it's something worth mentioning.

Subtext aside, this script doesn't work for multiple reasons. It's over written, super on the nose, and unintentionally hilarious. I would advise reading some professional scripts and rewriting this.