Saving a Life by Greg Earnest - Short, Drama - A dedicated paramedic is training a new ambulance driver when he is forced to confront the one. 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

I really struggled with this one. Massive chunks of dialogue and action. Just way too much.

Can lose most, if not all, of the parentheticals.

You can’t film this "Dante imagines ways he could kill this man", unless you actually show us what he is imagining.

Remember that scripts need to be visual as they are used to make movies. Only write things we can see.

This needs work.

The basic premise works, but I would lose a lot of the dialogue exchanges between Dante and Jill. Also when you return from the Flashback, although it is implied, you never clearly state that it is indeed Fernando lying on the floor.

Best

Greg,

Some notes.

The goal in most screenplay writing is to keep the reader's eyes moving down the page.  Big chunks of action slow down the reader and are to be avoided.  

Like a lot of writers, you use 'are' and some word.  Learn to drop the 'are' and simply use the verb.  The detectives are questioning becomes the detectives question.  It's cleaner and gives you more space for more information.

The flashback takes too long.  Cut, cut, cut.  

The story itself is a nice one, the doctor's dilemma.  In this case, an EMT who holds life and death in his hands and has a reason to choose death.  Yet, he chooses life.  Putting a character in such a situation is always good.

Cut the dialogue between the woman and the police.  Adds nothing to the real story.  Get that gurney out of there.

Work on a leaner writing style.  Every word counts, and your job is to say precisely what you mean to say.

Best
Richard

Will wait to see if the author is around before commenting