Full Moon by Richard Russell - Short, Horror - A stalker and his prey meet under a full moon that transforms them. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hello Richard.

A couple of issues.  "Longish" doesn't sound right to me.  Shoulder length or perhaps shaggy?

"Bulge?"  Not sure if that's the adjective I'd use to describe a hot woman.  You had it a curves but bulge just seems out of place (unless you're into that kinda thing).

I had a strong sense of what the ending was as soon as Rudi and Lilith were outside the club.  No real twist or meat to the story as it pretty much flies straight to it's conclusion.  The dialogue between them was hit and miss for me.  A straightforward story without much bite (pardon the pun).  Not much to comment on as the wasn't all that much going on in terms of story or characterization but it read fairly easy.  Hoped this helped.

-Johnny

Even at a minimal 6 pages, it seemed like a lot for this story. Not a whole lot of anything happens.

Is there such thing as on the nose subtext dialogue? If there isn't, I feel this is what it would look like. Most of the dialogue, and especially the initial exchange was very cringe worthy.

Did want to say that I agree with the previous comment, I would never use the word bulge to describe a sexy woman, for me and I think for Australians in general, we think of a man's crotch when we hear the word bulge.

Didn't work for me.

Sorry, but there is simply not enough story to carry any interest. Both characters  are generic and the dialogue is stilted. There is nothing here, besides the expectation of violence. And even at 6 pages, I need a little more conflict than that to keep me going.

Thanks for the read and the notes.....back to the drawing board