Live and Kicking by Manolis Froudarakis - Short, Comedy - We are all familiar with laughs in sitcoms, but it’s not like no drama has ever been filmed in front of a live audience. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

This one didn't work for me.  It's the same thing over and over with the audience intruding more than I can take.  But that's me.  

Best
Richard

Hmm, Manolis, interesting little experiment of your own, I feel.

I've tried to imagine this playing out on screen and my opinion is it's just too dark and grim, despite the black humour. You've portrayed these characters very well, too well, maybe, and the audience interaction almost becomes parody.

'Lowlife' needs to ironically go off the balcony in an accidental and drunken slip of stupor, I feel.

Like I said, you nail the characters, but it is relentless.

Very well written.

As part of a domestic violence anthology perhaps?

This is an fun concept and I think you might have something here... but it doesn't quite click. The audience interaction just isn't funny. It's a running commentary on stuff we already know. The father is a lowlife, we see that, so the audience reacting with distaste isn't very interesting. Now if the audience were laughing hysterically at the horrible things he did, making excuses for him, blaming the other family members... that might be interesting. I don't know what it would mean exactly, but it'd be unexpected.

Overall, the writing is good and you built some solid characters. I just feel like somethings missing. Wish I could tell you what exactly. Anyways, props for trying something new.

Manolis,

This reads like the part in Natural Born Killers with Rodney Dangerfield and his family, right down the the audience gasping and applauding. Was that your inspiration here?

Not too sure what to make of this piece. It's written well, but I had trouble grasping what this was all about really. The Lowlife Father got what he deserved, but when and where did that happen. Was he just supposed to end up with a knife in his back, or do we get to actually see it without guessing whodunnit? That seems like an essential piece you left out, and I'm thinking its a conscious decision on your part. In fact, this script reads more like an experiment, but it's meaning is kinda lost on me, sorry to say. Would love to hear your thoughts on why and how this script came to be.

Steve

I like the writing, very realistic...I would like to be able to write a dialogue like you did ...unfortunately, I'm always too OTN..( and drive the readers of my scripts crazy...lol).practice makes perfect, I hope.
But, the story the way it's presented does not convince me....too many useless repetitions and, to be frank, I don't like the intrusion of the audience in the script...I'm a traditionalist...the reaction of the spectators should be during the showing of the movie...work  on it and you'll have a great script.
My best,
Fausto

While not a bad idea, this was pretty poorly executed. On second thought, poorly isn't the right word. I'd say annoyingly executed. I wasn't on board at any point of the script, but I almost stopped reading when the one woman shouted, "You go girl!" Groan.

That being said, I really like what MarkItZero suggested and that's to have the audience laugh instead. As of now, I don't see any humor in this (and I love dark comedies). But if the audience is reacting positively to what they're seeing, then it's both poignant and funny (heehee funny, not haha funny).

Anyways, this is different and somewhat fresh, so I'd be curious to see what you do with it. Best of luck!

Thanks for the comments, everyone! This was an attempt to expand and adapt into a screenplay an older sketch of mine. What will work as a short sketch, though, won't necessarily work as an eleven-page screenplay. ;)

- Hi Richard, thanks for the read! Yes, repetition seems to be one of the problems here. Like I said... eleven pages.

- Hey, Libby! "Too dark and grim"? Ouch. That wasn't my intention for sure. I tried to make the father a caricature of a bad guy and the whole "drama" as ridiculous as possible. Not with great success, apparently. ;) Thanks for your input - always appreciated!

- Hi James! Thanks for the interesting suggestion - although I'm not sure how I could pull that off. The script comes off as harsh even without the audience laughing at or excusing the abusive behavior. But it's an idea I'd consider if I did a rewrite.

- Hi Steve, thanks for the read and the comment! Haven't watched Natural Born Killers so, no, that wasn't what inspired me here. I only had the information that, in old times, theater audiences used to express their anger against the play's villain. As for the knife, I tried to imply that someone from the audience threw it. The whole thing is based on a little sketch of mine, as I said, so there isn't really much to explain. It was just this idea of using a live audience for a TV drama instead for a sitcom. Nothing deep here. ;)

- Hi Fausto, thanks for taking the time to comment on this! Glad you liked the dialogue. As a non-native speaker I'm always concerned about it. As for the intrusion of the audience, well, that was the main idea here. Not that it worked for anyone, of course. ;)

- Hey Will, thanks for the read and the comment! Well, with 100% negative reviews I don't have much else to say. ;) Jame's idea is interesting, but the main problem seems to be that the concept is more suitable for a short sketch. Thanks again!