The Rake by Erik D Griffin - Horror - A man battling depression is tormented by a demon he began seeing moments after losing his wife in a tragic accident and learns that the creature is an inexorable link to others who suffer similar fates. 92 pages - pdf, format 8)

This isn't bad, but I feel you could develop it more to make the horror more present, particularly in the early stages.

Our introduction to The Rake through Daniel is all expositional. I feel we should see the Rake appearing to him, and thus we'd know what he's suffering without having to be told. You are telling, not showing.

I also feel we should see the Rake at the point of the crash.

Good villain, and creepy opening.

It's still some way from being to a good, professional level in my opinion. But the chasm is not so side as it can't be done.

I've just finished reading this - I think there's an 'urban legend' based on this rake character? Maybe from Creepy Pasta and sites like that?

So, I guess it's not bad - but, my thoughts when I read it were that it was quite boring. There was no possible explanation as to who the rake actually was and absolutely no folklore behind 'him' - you should elaborate on this, and at least give some backstory to what the rake actually is.

Also - make Greg more of a main character, and give him a different ending. I think this would help.