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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Happy New Year
Posted by: Don, September 23rd, 2016, 5:32pm
Happy New Year by Waleed Zein - Short - A couple stare down the last hour of the human race. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: RichardR, September 24th, 2016, 8:45am; Reply: 1
Some notes.

To begin, unless they're living in a hut, they're not sitting on the ground, they're on the floor or maybe a rug.  

Its' is not It's.  

There are some mistakes.  The action paragraphs are a mite too long and should be trimmed.  

This is a bittersweet end of the world scene.  But the action is very static.  They sit and munch and take some hits--all pretty cliche.  They talk about things they did and didn't do, again nothing new.  

Now, I won't say that taking hits and munching is wrong when you have an hour to live, but that's for the 99% who can't think of anything better to do.  Give us something the 1% would do, something that will surprise us.  What is that?

Best
Richard
Posted by: Warren, September 24th, 2016, 5:01pm; Reply: 2
I agree with Richard on this one, there is nothing unique about this.

The writing also needs work, action blocks are too long. You use the ellipsis incorrectly several times, there is no such thing as a two dot ellipsis. You also have one that would be better as an em dash. It's easy to Google the difference and correct way to use them.

This just needs something more to seperate it from the rest.
Posted by: JakeJon, September 27th, 2016, 11:15am; Reply: 3
Ditto; Although, I  Loved the  FADE TO WHITE.
Posted by: JakeJon, September 27th, 2016, 11:17am; Reply: 4
Ditto.  But first drafts are first drafts..   Did love the  final Trans.   FADE TO WHITE.
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