Cold Smoke - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, September 23rd, 2016, 5:33pm

Cold Smoke - VR by John Staats - Short, Action, Adventure, Virtual Reality - Powder skiing and the lure of cold smoke is an irresistible temptation. It pays to listen to the professionals. 13 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: RichardR, September 24th, 2016, 8:54am; Reply: 1

Some notes.

I like the setting for this one. The cold, the snow, the danger, fine with me. I think you might explain 'cold smoke'. While we're told to not listen to its lure, I'm not sure exactly what it is. You might have the rookie ask, and the other guys answer. I'm not a skier, and I profess ignorance.

The writing works for me. The dialogue sounds authentic enough, although I'm no expert of avalanche detectors. I like that you start with the trapped guy and then backtrack.

Best
Richard

Posted by: JakeJon, September 29th, 2016, 3:16pm; Reply: 2

Brownie, Squat and Buckster? Wow! Loved their names. Not a skier so I enjoyed reading along and found it interestingly educational? I also liked the respectful connection you established between the group. The ending left me a bit cold in a good way. I'm betting this was a "close to home" experience. Nice read.

Posted by: JEStaats, October 1st, 2016, 4:05pm; Reply: 3

Thanks for the comments - yes, I am 'Squat' (sounds funny saying it that way) and this is based on an event back in Nov 1992 that is as vivid in my mind as yesterday. Very near and dear experience to say the least.

I did realize after posting that maybe only a few would know the slang term 'Cold Smoke' as super low density powder snow. Snow that's so light (duck feathers) that you hardly feel it while skiing except for the billowing cold clouds that hit your face as you bob in and out of the steep and deep. Ahhh...those were the days.

Yep, no sh*t, there I was.... 8)

Posted by: JEStaats, February 22nd, 2018, 10:22am; Reply: 4

I took a giant leap of faith on rewriting this in a VR format. It's more of a shooting script with direction, which it needs to be, yet would still give the Director the flexibility they desire.

Would love feedback as this style of formatting is totally new to me. Anybody out there experienced writing for VR? It was a challenge thinking 360 - I recommend it. Let's go cross-eyed and painless together!