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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Death of a Friend
Posted by: Don, September 26th, 2016, 5:33pm
Death of a Friend by Bhagat Singh (bhagat726) - {No logline} 4 pages - Short, Drama - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Warren, September 26th, 2016, 6:33pm; Reply: 1
Sorry, but this is essentially two pages of on the nose dialogue with absolutely nothing happening and no story.

That may seem harsh but there isn’t anything here.

At the very least you need a story.

Posted by: RichardR, September 27th, 2016, 2:26pm; Reply: 2
some notes.

This one is an attempt to draw the audience to feel something akin to what the characters feel.  it doesn't work.  There is no story, no reason why they feel bad, and certainly no reason for the audience to join in.

I subscribe to the notion that if the character is crying, the audience isn't.  Show the audience a reason to feel something.

Best
Richard
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