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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Comedy Scripts  /  Campaign Trail
Posted by: Don, September 29th, 2016, 11:28pm
Campaign Trail by Jeremiah E. Ford - Comedy, Drama - Two employees at a local sandwich restaurant are looking for more in life when they decide to run in the next presidential campaign. 142 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Slade, September 30th, 2016, 4:52am; Reply: 1
    The format is wrong. Even if you have something good in there nobody will read it if it's not written right.  Check out some script formatting pages that are all over the internet and read scripts from movies you like. It will help you.
Posted by: BenL (Guest), September 30th, 2016, 5:15am; Reply: 2
This has obviously been written in Word or something, formatting is a total mess.

Unfortunately the rest isn't any good either.

"Kevin and Marty wave while saying:"
"Marty says to Kevin:"
"Shaquana says to Kevin and Marty while walking away:"

That's not how you describe action.

Other than that, the dialogue is extremely on-the-nose. Plus you shouldn't predetermine how the dialogue should be spoken, you're doing this almost every time. This is up to the director/actor...

The writer is most certainly new to screenwriting. The best advice is to read other scripts and learn how to properly format a screenplay. Google is all you need.

Good luck.
Posted by: Stumpzian, September 30th, 2016, 8:05am; Reply: 3
This might be a pisser. The dialogue is so relentlessly OTN that it starts to be very funny. I read 20 pages just for the dialogue.

Other evidence:
1. Wrong font.
2. 142 pages.
3. Bad format.
4. Etc.






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