Model's Wanted by Simon Parker - Short, Horror - A beautiful model becomes trapped in a warehouse where she finds an underworld gang who plaster cast beautiful girls, hands, arms, legs and feet. Chop them off and sell them as high end mannequin part to the the worlds most expensive fashion stores. 16 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Some notes.

I like the idea of this one, but in the age of 3D printing, it seems exceedingly stupid.  That's me.  

This one is a bit long with far too much given to Megan's mom.  A little bit goes a long way.  Also, what 21st century teen doesn't google everything and everyone?  Philip would have to have a web presence in order to get any traction.  

The dialogue is a bit stilted.  Megan and Louise should have a kind of shorthand that close friends develop.  I do like that Megan treats James like a lackey.  That works, and it says a lot about her.  

Overall, I think you might rethink this in order to give Philip a better motive.  

Best
Richard

I liked your kickoff and thought your story was moving in a predictable but interesting direction. Nicely done.

Things got a bit muddled for me at the warehouse.  Philip's "photo shoot description" dialogue was a tad long.
On page 8, is it Greg or James getting dressed, or are there two guys getting dressed??  

Meg's life story dialogue (pg 9) to James was descriptive but perhaps too OTN.

In the Storeroom, Meg and James watch Dresden lop off both of Louise's hands.  Megan screams.
Megan says,  "What the F--- is this?  What have you done to her?  Kind of obvious , no.  Maybe a different verbal reaction?  A great scene, lots of stuff going on but I think you need to clean it up. ( Not the gore; that was great)

Pg 13  .....Philip buries it deep into Greg's back.   The James/Greg thing again.

Typo's are typo's, everyone makes mistakes, a but names, adjectives and actions are more noticeable:

pg. 5 Severing?  think you meant "Serving".

pg. 12 . . . with a relaxed clam . . .I'm guessing "calm"

pg. 14  Drystone . . . Dresden

Over all, I liked where you were going and where you ended up.   A fun read.  I think it just needs a little vacuuming.

R

Why is there an apostrophe in the title?  Seems like a glaring mistake right off the bat.