N by Alexander Nachaj - Short, Horror, Sci Fi - A deadly outbreak follows a mysterious crash in Western Quebec. 12 pages

contest: Semi-finalist at Los Angeles CineFest, 2016 (as "Revolutio-N") - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

The are a few grammar issues throughout for example An BRIGHT LIGHT should be A BRIGHT LIGHT.

Lots of we hear, we see, we follow. I think you should get rid of all of them. Don't tell the reader what the see or hear, show them.

I'm thinking this is meant to be a found footage horror, or atleast partially found footage, the fact that I'm unsure isn't good. If it is found footage I'm also unsure of who is on camera when.

O.C. should be O.S.

I found the constant jumping between scenes a little confusing.

Story wise I didn't mind it, other than the few issues I had it was an enjoyable read.

Good luck with it.

Some notes.

I just read the first 3 pages, and all of it could have been done in 1.  You show us the meteor, so why all the verbiage?  Show it.  Get the kids there.  the rest is fluff.

Why the religious fanatic?  hmmm

A lot jammed into this one.  Too much for me.  While the idea of a deadly strain from outer space is nothing new, this story has a ring of truth.  

I think you would be better off focusing on the three main characters rather than jumping all over.  Let them play out the epidemic.  And I don't know why the cop turned into some kind of zombie when the buddy did not.  Can't have it both ways to my thinking.

Best
Richard