The Ineffable Contentment by Ben Morales - Short, Horror - Right after deciding to not kill his newest victim, a conflicted serial killer has an ambiguous conversation his unknowing victim about his dark motives and origins. 9 pages

production: This is a 9 page dark drama/thriller.  It's dialogue driven and with only 2 settings and 2 actors, it is very shootable. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Ben-

I think you inadvertently omitted the word "with" in your logline (after "conversation").

How's it going Ben

Thanks for writing this, I really enjoyed it. The banter between your characters at the bar was funny and flowed really naturally. Nice build up with the will he, won't he confliction inside of Wayne.

There's one minor typo on page 4--Jane means to say "thought" instead of "though", petty but that's how good and little error there were on your work.

Good Job man

MD Thompson

Really liked this, and as you said in your production notes, this would be really shootable and would look really good in the right hands. It looked well in my head.

Loved the bar scene. Two good actors and you're onto a winner. The flow of conversation between the two is funny, natural. I imagined Megan with a short, brown bob for some reason lol.

I like Wayne. The internal conflict he has going on. This would make a really good short film.

Good luck with this! :)

Hey Ben,
So I rise this AM and have to look up the word "Ineffable".  Thanks?  NICE.  Had to read on.

Good film-able script, I think.  Here's what I really liked:

No secret to who the serial killer is.  What?  No twists or turns here, GREAT! and you still kept the mystery alive.

The why and the what carries your script. Great ploy!

Jane is the perfect mark for Wayne.
AND,
A great set-up for the kill:
Jane, "The feeling when you kill?"
Wayne, " The feeling before I kill".
Nicely done.

But the real coup de grace (sorry) :  Phil understands the why and what but he can't get past it and Jane sells him on it.  She "puts the hammer down".

Tah Dah!  "To Die For" !

JJ

Some notes.

I like the dialogue.  It's natural enough and subtle enough.  It goes on a bit long for my tastes, but that's me.  I've been known to write too much dialogue at times.

Couple of items.  I think you might give Wayne some trophies of his own, since dad taught him about that.  That might be something to toss in the first scene when the TV is droning.

And you might consider making her a bit more mysterious, perhaps let the audience surmise that she might be an undercover cop with a weapon in her purse.  Plant more doubt.

Best
Richard