Print Topic

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Family Scripts  /  Lincoln Buys Slaves Prevents War
Posted by: Don, December 11th, 2016, 10:15am
Lincoln Buys Slaves Prevents War by Reginald Owens - Family - 1859 University of Georgia journalism graduate formulates plan to prevent the American Civil War. 93 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: PrussianMosby, January 8th, 2017, 7:51am; Reply: 1
No reviews, so I give it a shot…

Man, what's going on with the title. I imagine you get not many reads because the title is simply irritating. It reads like a spoof, but then the logline does not. So… one way or the other – not both ways same time.

Some typos flow around…

The subject of their talk is generally interesting, although there is a problem in this first scene: They only talk. You should also let them do something and give the scene some visual impressions.

Actually, I know nothing about the topic, nor if this paying ransom for slaves was a true historical plan. If the answer is yes, then I think the story has a lot of justification to be told.  

Really hard to judge for me because I have no clue about the authenticity, especially of the language they use since I even got problems with today's English, so…

P7  There's something wrong with the formating of photo and the V.O.. Do some research if you like…

Seems pretty easy how Adams hooks up with Sara. In general, there's no real conflict yet, all works smooth: Lincoln, Ezra and Adams explain their plans, then Adams gets along with Sara, all very fairytale like.

It eventually gets inconsistent in tone, (the scene between Adams and Sara), and I'm not sure how serious you see your story and with that, how serious I should take your story.

However, it's an interesting topic. You need to engage on the board to gain more attention.

Best of luck
Print page generated: April 25th, 2024, 2:04am