Insta-Dream by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - A waiter uses pics to impress his father. 5 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Good story, concept, and presentation for my taste.

My only suggestion is that the very last impression ((as is here Trevor's dialogue)), punchline, dialogue – whatever you choose to eventually do there, imo, it should work differently and evoke a more precise concept on its own, as an autonomosly, more distinct ending. A final touch so to say. Perhaps work with deeper irony or wit - something you may find at some point when reconsidering those last lines.

You got a very, very good title that hooked me to read the script immediately. I'd even leave out the dash: "Instadream". We get it. It reads better and the association with the picture uploading service works better too "imo".

It's an enjoyable read and skillful performance of you.

Solid writing.

Dialogue was strong.

Really liked the premise - although I was left a little confused.

SPOILERS

The Son is fooling the Dad - showing fake pics of him with Natalie/kids. Love that angle!

But then the Dad is doing fake pics of travel places. I don't quite get what that angle was. Long winded way of saying, it all worked for me other than the Dad taking pics - I could have missed something, but it seems that if they both know they're tricking each other it takes the purpose of the trick away - will look at it again.

Hey Richard,

There’s a bittersweet quality to this - the two of them connecting through their deception.  Made all the more real that there’s people out there that actually do this.  I can understand why Trevor feels this way, a feeling of inadequacy.  Perhaps a hint of background on Dad?  He almost feels a little throwaway.  How have they become so estranged that they can only communicate via these pictures?    

Other than that I like it, simple and poignant - could use a touch more to balance out their relationship.

All the best,

Steve

Nice work Richard, that I think could be expanded upon a little.

I like the added touch with the Dad angle. He's doing exactly what his son is doing. Isn't he? Both father and son are presenting to each other, and to the world, lives which don't exist. Son thinks father is the successful capable one, on his latest world trip, Trevor presents himself as a loving husband and father.  Both are living a lie they want each other to buy. Least that's my take on it.

I really like the commentary (all is not what it seems) all is an illusion of the life each thinks they should be living, or the life they pretend to have. Easy to do with today's technology. Facebook and everyone's perfect lives comes instantly to mind. Natalie is such an easy and unwitting accomplice - easy in the age of the unabashed selfie.

I do think it's worthy of a bit more pithy punchline, not sure quite what... You obviously steer away from an actual confrontation and truth revealed. Not sure that'd be my choice but I see the merit in it. Could easily work as dramedy.

Very enjoyable.

Richard, I really enjoy it...good massage: life is after all "an illusion"...and we can manipulate it. I agree with the other commentators...maybe, a stronger, deeper ending with more dramatic impact. Very original premise.
My best,
Fausto

Hi Richard

I enjoyed this, well written, good structure, I liked the angle you used to tell the story. Very clever. The photo taking scene with the kids was multi dimensional, it had deception, sadness, a casual feel as they were chatting while taking pics, this really stood out for me...

Anyway nice job!

Hey Richard,

I loved your script. Really enjoyed it. I like your writing style as well!

W.K Sharah