SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Drama Scripts / What We Did That Summer
Posted by: Don, December 17th, 2016, 11:31am
What We Did That Summer by Nicholas A Romantini - Drama - Three 12 year-old boys get lost while camping in the woods and must put aside their differences to find their way home the hard way while also learning about friendship, survival, and growing up. 90 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: eldave1, December 17th, 2016, 4:15pm; Reply: 1
Nicholas - the first three paragraphs are peppered with problems.
Quoted Text
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD-DAY Open on a WIDE SHOT of a modest, Northern California suburban neighborhood. Superimpose title: What We Did This Summer. We see PARENTS and their CHILDREN are outside, enjoying the nice summer day.
Get rid of all camera directions (WIDE SHOT, WE SEE). The Superimpose should be on it's own line (like a scene heading). Get rid of unfilmabes in description. Get rid of redudand descriptions - you don't need outside (heading is already EXT) or neighborhood (already in setting). No need to superimpose your title. It should be written something like:
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD-DAY
Modest suburban homes. Sunny and pleasant.
PARENTS play with their CHILDREN.
You can add what ever else you want description wise to reflect the tone and action.
Quoted Text
SUPERIMPOSE WHITE TITLE: AUGUST 25, 1996
Should simply be:
SUPER: AUGUST 25, 1996
Quoted Text
EXT. PALERMO HOUSE-DAY We see the PALERMO HOUSE, a nice, pleasant looking, two story house.
Again - you already have Palermo in the header - no need to repeat. Should be:
EXT. PALERMO HOUSE-DAY
A pleasant looking, two house.
Quoted Text
MIKE (READING)
Wrong format. Should be:
MIKE (reading)
There are issues throughout. You need to work on basic formatting. Hope this helps.