Teamwork by John Alfred Pimentel - Short, Action - His journey into the wilderness earned him only wounded pride. The bright ambitions of a teenager are crushed by two preteen bad guys in this action short. 3 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi J,
I think you need to give the reader more background  info. "Bright ambitions", "Wounded pride"?  Because his box was stolen?  He was journeying through the wilderness? across a dried river bed? To go somewhere to sell stuff?
Need more what, where and why, so you can feel for Pablo.

Also, not too sure I understand "two fists cracking together"?

On the other hand, I think, your short would be easy to film. Good acting nine year olds could pull it off.  Not sure the story conveys enough message.  My opinion only.

Stick with it!

JJ

A nice and fun short story, but the title gave away what happens in it.