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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Horror / Twisted Thief
Posted by:
Don, January 3rd, 2017, 5:11pm
Twisted Thief
by David Black - Short, Horror - Karma strikes a violent thief when he steals from a horror memorabilia collector. 4 pages - pdf, format
For production consideration - No comments required
Posted by:
B, February 23rd, 2017, 7:30pm;
Reply:
1
100+ Views and no responses, nice.
Page 1 - I got lost in all the location changing, maybe i was reading to fast but it was a little overwhelming.
Did i miss where you described what the mask looked like?
The dialogue between the two felt weird. It didn't seem to flow.
"Ceremoniously positioned lit candles surround a pentagram on
the floor." - Neither of them are going to mention this?
"He's used to being treated like this" - Don't tell me this, show me this.
"Rob’s outlandish mask sits on the table" - So he hasn't put it on yet? Why? You think he would have put it on the minute they got to the party.
A horror version of Mask. I like the concept. Work out all the kinks and you could probably make a pretty easy/good short to shoot.
-B
Posted by:
Don, February 23rd, 2017, 11:46pm;
Reply:
2
Quoted from
B
100+ Views and no responses, nice.
-B
Quoted Text
For production consideration - No comments required
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