The Difference by Chad Howell - Drama - A man confronts himself to uncover his love for a girl that was always there but was disguised. 141 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Chad - the first page is peppered with issues.

Quoted Text EXT. LOS ANGELES (2002) - DAY - FADE IN Panning view of the highway during the summer time midafternoon. Panning down on MICHAEL'S car driving down the highway.

Los Angeles is as large as some states. Be more specific in location. e.g., EXT. LOS ANGELES/PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - DAY

Don't put FADE IN in the slug.

Really wouldn't put MICHAEL'S car yet since we don't know who he is. Would go with the car make/model.

I would lose the camera directions.

Quoted Text EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY - TRAVELING - ECU Side view of Michael's car driving down the highway. Michael a twenty-one year old male with short dark hair dressed in jeans with a button down shirt. Michael is a full time student at UCLA studying art and writing while working at a restaurant as a server. Just off work, Michael is driving along the highway singing along to a song that's playing on the radio.

I would lose the camera directions.

This entire descriptive block is an unfilmable. How does one shoot "at UCLA studying art? etc. You can't do this. Google show don't tell in script writing and you will get a ton of guidance in this area. And - this is where MICHAEL should be capped and intro'd.

Same issue here:

Quoted Text [/quote]INT. HIGHWAY - DAY - CAR - BACK TO SCENE The beautiful girl with long blond hair, LORRAINE, is twenty-one years of age dressed in a short spaghetti straps dress. Lorraine is a part-time student at a local community college studying Sociology while bartending at a small restaurant. Lorraine looks over in Michael's direction, noticing his attention to her. Lorraine giggles, while pulling ahead.

No way to film - she was a bartender - etc. Show, don't tell.

All in all - page 1 could have been 1/3rd what it is. It might be why you are at 141 pages.

Anyway - I think you may find people not reacting to this because the first page is so problematic - give it a refresh.