The Drift by Aaron Mitton - Short, Drama - Trish thinks her marriage is on the rocks, but her husband doesn’t know it.  Trish attempts a last ditch effort to save it, and she finds out a secret that will answer her question for her.  9 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Aaron

This needs alot of work, but you have started and thats the most important thing to do....start writing.

It is way overwritten. It kind of reads as a half script half short story...

The storyline is very simple, but! You can make a great film out of a simple premise.....if you make it entertaining at every turn.
As this is, it falls flat and is a very long read.

look up about over writing a script online (better advice than i could give you) it will really help. One of the main things is to ask yourself if your action lines are filmable....

Anyway keep writing, keep reading scripts and it will all fall into place. Im starting out too, and I've been told my a few to stick around on here, theres lots of good writers with lots of good advice...

Just keep at it! The only failures are the ones who quit...

Cheers kirsten

I wouldn't put a name of the main character in a logline. You even used it twice.

I enjoyed the story but didn't enjoy having no dialogue to read, it did seem a long read for a short story so would maybe suggest trimming it a little but I did enjoy reading it and it was very easy to visualise.  

There's no doubt you can write, but it's so bloated.

The character description of Trish was enjoyable, and I got a real sense of woman worn down by the years, vulnerable, desperate to reclaim the youth she feels has slipped away from her. That's a relatable concept (if hardly novel), and twinned with a more engaging plot, it could be something interesting.

By contrast, the description for Chris didn't work so well for me, and so when you push against convention a little, sometimes it works, others not so much.

In the end, I had to skim after page 4.

This should really be a 4/5 page script.

Written in screenplay style, I think you could get some interesting stuff on the page. So hope to see more of your work soon.