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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Comedy Scripts  /  Perth Problem
Posted by: Don, February 10th, 2017, 7:43pm
Perth Problem by Ryan Worrall - Comedy - Two Best friends from a small town travel to Toronto, Ontario in search of an internet girlfriend. 103 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: eldave1, February 10th, 2017, 9:55pm; Reply: 1
Took a quick peak. It was a rough start for me.


Quoted Text
1 INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT 1


Why are you numbering your nights and days?? Also - you don't need to number the scene headings.


Quoted Text
A typical family's dining room, there are plates with bits
of food on the table. EMILY TENNANT sits at the table typing
on her laptop computer. DAVID TENNANT walks in, and starts
to clear the table. Emily closes her computer, gets up and
starts to help clear the dishes.


Need a period after "room". there should be the start of a new sentence.

Would be helpful to include the age of your characters.

I would break this up into two or three action blocks.


Quoted Text
EMILY
Here Dad let me help you with
those


Missing a comma
Posted by: Wworrall, February 13th, 2017, 12:48pm; Reply: 2

Quoted Text
Why are you numbering your nights and days?? Also - you don't need to number the scene headings


That was the script writing program, guess it made thing easier to go from scene to scene.


Appreciate the input, probably going to be more than a few missed Commas/ Periods. Hopefully it didn't put you off enjoying the script though :)

Thanks,
- Ryan
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