In The Hands of Time by Cheickna Kebe - Short, Sci Fi - A couple experience an age gap due to an error in time travel. 17 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

Some notes.

The writing is OK, but it lacks a real punch.  Generally, writers leave out camera directions as that is the director's job.  The dialogue tends toward being too direct and redundant.  It's almost preachy at times.  When you introduce a CHARACTER, you do it in CAPS.  

The story itself is interesting if presented as something closer to reality.  Let's take Alice.  Her husband disappears, and she tells the authorities he's traveling through time--right.  It seems to me it's just as likely that she gets charged with murder as anything else.  When Ben appears 45 years later, she takes it for granted that he traveled through time.  Really, why couldn't he be Ben's son from another wife?  I think she would quiz him about something only he could know.  Perhaps, I'm not trusting enough.

In any case, I think a bit of rethinking would make this one much better.  Instead of the lovey-dovey immediate acceptance, show a bit of conflict, some doubt.  After all, time travel has never happened before.  Skepticism is in order.

Best
Richard