Space Cakes by Jonathan Sieff - Short, Comedy - CANDICE (16) must prevent her mum from serving the leftover cake to her friends at tea, because it contains marijuana. 11 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Maybe you could have made it clear that is was Candice who was lying in bed, and that she is 16 years old, earlier. You have her say 'turn down that damn radio', but the reader doesn't know she is 16, at that point. On page 2, you write 'INT. CANDICE'S HOUSE, KITCHEN, then you needlessly repeat 'a large kitchen', immediately afterwards. Maybe 'a large room', would have been a better thing to write. I presume the question mark on page 8 is a mistake. I was disappointed I never got to see the reaction of eating the drugged cake. On the whole, the story built up very nicely, though.