2100 by Bud Lambeth - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - In a world left behind by climate change, two brothers and a mysterious stranger from 'before' struggle to overcome their differences and keep each other alive. 21 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

Ambitious idea for a short but I’m a sucker for the post-apocalyptic so I gave it a go.  The writing needs some work.  As written it distracts from the story - a lot of redundant phrasing, repetition and inconsistencies.  But I'll wait till i know you're around before posting more.

Storywise it's 'busy'.  Lots going on with little focus as to what's important.  Your main payoff surrounds Tyler receiving Sophia's book.  The book represents knowledge that would otherwise be lost - a way for Tyler to continue in this world.  The problem (IMO) is he already has that 'knowledge' in the form of older brother Jake who guides him and looks after him.  The question is, would the story be better off without Jake?

Steve

Bud: best to use a separate title page for the script title and the copyright information - check out any script here for an example