TGIF by Thomas Hughes - Short, Comedy, Thriller - A man who loathes the work week goes to a TGI Friday's in order to replicate the weekend. However, things go awry for him when he finds out that, in there, it's ALWAYS Friday. 13 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Thomas gave this a read, a few thoughts...

Liked this, had a sort of Twilighty Zone feel to it, read quick and easy as well.

Some specifics to think about
1) You don;t really need CUT TO in between scene's as the start of the new scene implies it, you don;t see it done this way so much these days
2) Same with CONTINUED at top and bottom of pages.
3) There are some descriptions border on direction, e.g. The waiter enters the frame... that could be written as The waiter walks over... without sort of breaking the 4th wall in the script itself.
(These are all minor points and don't spoil the read at all)
4) I think there's a couple of places where the dialogue feels OTN and a little repetitive, but a polish should fix those issues.

But overall, I liked this a lot... it's a good writing sample but I don't think can be made (shame!) due to the TGI Friday's brand usage.