Sobering by Keelan - Short, Drama - A Struggling single mother, contemplates turning off her son's life support. 8 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Keelan,

I'm not sure what to make of this one. I really want to like it but it just didn't quite get there.

Some truly great imagery and writing followed by nonsensical writing, or at least I had no idea what you meant.

I don't know what COMPOSITE in the slugs means.

The overuse of CAPPED sound effects got annoying.

Lossing the continued at the top and bottom of every page and the scene numbers would only serve to help make it a smoother read.

I think you have something here. For me, it just needs to be clearer.

Best of luck.