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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Thriller Scripts  /  The Vamp
Posted by: Don, June 7th, 2017, 5:05pm
The Vamp by Ramzan Amjad - Short, Thriller - A cop which is good at his duty become hunt of a vamp which is good at hunting. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: eldave1, June 7th, 2017, 8:01pm; Reply: 1
Your title page is different then THE VAMP.

I would lose the camera directions.

On page 1 - looks English might not be your first language which makes this a tough read.


Quoted Text

MARK
Yes ! Detective Mark is speaking.
No reply.


No reply is formatted as dialogue - should be formatted as action.

Okay - stopping. There are many errors - take a look at some escripts.

Best of luck.
Posted by: Warren, June 7th, 2017, 9:57pm; Reply: 2
SPOILERS

Wow, two vampire shorts in a row, they must be coming back.

So I agree with eldave on all his points. I did read it all the way through though.

It's not very long but for what actually happens it a lot of writing.

Formatting errors, grammatical errors and camera directions throughout make this a tough read with no payoff.

Just keep reading scripts and practice.

Good luck
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