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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Thriller Scripts / The Vamp
Posted by:
Don, June 7th, 2017, 5:05pm
The Vamp
by Ramzan Amjad - Short, Thriller - A cop which is good at his duty become hunt of a vamp which is good at hunting. - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by:
eldave1, June 7th, 2017, 8:01pm;
Reply:
1
Your title page is different then THE VAMP.
I would lose the camera directions.
On page 1 - looks English might not be your first language which makes this a tough read.
Quoted Text
MARK
Yes ! Detective Mark is speaking.
No reply.
No reply is formatted as dialogue - should be formatted as action.
Okay - stopping. There are many errors - take a look at some escripts.
Best of luck.
Posted by:
Warren, June 7th, 2017, 9:57pm;
Reply:
2
SPOILERS
Wow, two vampire shorts in a row, they must be coming back.
So I agree with eldave on all his points. I did read it all the way through though.
It's not very long but for what actually happens it a lot of writing.
Formatting errors, grammatical errors and camera directions throughout make this a tough read with no payoff.
Just keep reading scripts and practice.
Good luck
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