My Dog by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - It's the end of the world, three friends are hiding out in a cabin with a small dog. Two of them want to eat the dog, but his owner swears he'll never let that happen. 8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Simon,

I guess this was okay, pretty good story. Some backstory that you tried to cram in which didn't really do anything for me, the whole, you love her, no I don't thing. Not sure what the purpose of that was. I think you can find a more entertaining and interesting way to initiate the physical conflict.

Couple of typos that would be easy to spot on another read.

So I think the main story is worth working on but make the backstory a bit better and I think this will be a good little tale.

All the best.

This was a fun read. I like simple ideas like this, like how long can we hold on to our love for our pets until they become a resource for food. I know plenty of people who would kill and eat a person before a dog, that's pretty disturbing in its self. I'd just take out the love triangle plot and dive deeper into the ethics of killing your pet for food. That's just me though.

Not bad. Several typos and a couple of minor story issues and a few places where the description of the action could have used a little more snap.

Quoted Text Harry is horrified. Harry reaches down and takes Max by the collar.

This is an example - at least to me - where you could add more pizzazz. Harry is horrified tells us how he feels - describe the physical actions he takes or shows that demonstrate that.

Quoted Text HARRY His name is Max, and that's no happening

typo - should be "not"

Quoted Text Harry marches over to the stove, there a box filled with tools beside it.

Typo - should be there's

Quoted Text Harry grab hold out a knife, hold it out in front of him, threatening.

Typo - should be grabs.

Quoted Text TONY You wanting to leave, the way you’ve being acting. This hasn't got anything with MAx.

Two typos - should be " to do with Max"

Quoted Text Harry and Tony fall to the floor, Harry stabs the knife into Tony, blood pouring out of him Tony is unable to speak or move.

Probably need a period after him - at a minimum a comma

Quoted Text Harry can't help but laugh.

Really didn't like this is an ending line - bland.

The "you guys killed Max" thing went on a bit long for me - it consumed several pages and it the argument became tedious.

I don;t understand why the love story was not interwoven into the ending.  It played no part - now, if Tony was dead and Miriam survived, bound up or  something saying you'll learn to love me again - or something like that - it would make sense as a plot element.

Best of luck with this

Quoted from Logan McDonald I'd just take out the love triangle plot and dive deeper into the ethics of killing your pet for food. That's just me though.

Exactly! Even though, it's a great story and reading it was so pleasant