Trampoline by Jane Austin - Short, Drama, Rom Com - The springs and arrows of first love experienced by Aiden, a novice in a Trampoline centre world. 8 pages

contest: 'Trampoline'  just won Best X Script at The Talent Factory's award night, Los Angeles, May 2017. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey, read your script.

How old is Aidan?
Is it a shooting script? Otherwise you don't need to number the scenes. Also it's DAY and NIGHT mainly, no 4.34 etc. and in your script those minutes don't matter anyway.

I would like more - what Aidan does and how it ends. I was waiting for it and nothing happened.

According to the shooting script style elements, I'm guessing that you are already dealing with a spec that have interested buyers and I can understand it.
I like the dynamic of the scenes and the interaction between the characters. Especially of Aiden, who is giving the scene some sort of direction, while characters like Brittany increase the pace and the fuel the story.
Ones feel the idea you had in mind and I just want to thank you for letting us have a look at your work and participate us on a piece of your unfolded soul and creativity.

Kind Regards,

Pedro

J.A.

Congrats on the contest win.  Cute stuff!

Only "Um"...  Pg. 4  "She swims away in a golden sea of love".  Film that one..

JJ

Congrats on the win.