Blood Highway by Joseph Ulloa - Short, Horror - On a lone highway one man discovers fate can take a nasty turn in a blink of a moment. 12 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

Hmm... the overall story was pretty good, but there were quite a few grammatical/formatting errors that made the read pretty distracting. I would've (or had someone else) proofread it beforehand. And the dialogue was kind of cheesy in some spots. Also, is this supposed to be a horror? Felt more like it should belong in the thriller category. Also, the ending was alright, I see what you were trying to do, but I felt it was a little predictable with the way you portrayed "John Doe" and his reactions i.e. being calm about the whole ordeal. I hate to be a nagger, just trying to help a fellow screenwriter out... Overall though it was a pretty good effort.

Hi Joseph,

I agree with Tyler's comments. i thought it had a nice twist.

"John doe looks back over towards the beat-up 1970s blue
Cutlass convertible at Trace and smiles."

You don't need to write the description of the car again.

TRACE WILLIAM
Good, well that prick told me the
when’s and the where’s and also the
how’s.
TRACE WILLIAM
Like how I was going to be paid
hundred grand for this fucker.

This is the wrong formatting for dialogue. If the actor is speaking everything they say up to the point of an action line or another person speaking comes under the one character name. This is the correct formatting.

TRACE WILLIAM
Good, well that prick told me the
when’s and the where’s and also the
how’s. Like how I was going to be paid
hundred grand for this fucker.

This is a good effort, keeping reading, writing and learning....