Before It's Too Late by Guillaume Dubé - Short, Drama - Defeated by bad news, a determined woman decides to realize her ultimate dream before it is too late. 5 pages

production: Few characters, multiple location, some SFX - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

Guillaume:

Quoted Text INT. HOSPITAL - DAY High heels footsteps in an empty hallway. They belong to STEPHANIE, 30’s, beautiful woman wearing a skirt. Her face is reddish. We can see that she has been crying. She is holding her tears.

- put the hallway in your slug.
- tell us a little more about the sound
- lose the we see
- lose the "is" (problem throughout).
- does it matter that she is wearing a skirt?

Something like:

INT. HOSPITAL/HALLWAY - DAY

The CLICK-CLICK of high heels on a marble floor.  They belong to
STEPHANIE, 30’s, beautiful.

Her cheeks are red, tear stained.

Quoted Text INT. HOSPITAL - DAY (END OF FLASHBACK) Stephanie is still walking in the hallway. She wipes a tear running down her cheek. She passes the lobby and leaves the hospital by the automatic doors, while a thunderstorm is raging outside.

You're missing a scene heading. Once she exits -  you need:

EST. HOSPITAL - DAY
She looks at her multiple travel books.
.

Quoted Text She gets up and uses her arms to sweep everything off the table. She takes the notebook and a pen and sits on her couch. She opens it to the first page. We can see a list of destinations, some of them have a line across them and we can read "NO LUCK".

The continuous use of She makes this a bit monotonous.

Quoted Text SERIES OF SHOTS: 1)Stephanie drops a travel backpack on her bed. 2)She puts clothes in it. 3)She changes her skirt for pants. 4)She puts on a rain jacket. 5)She takes her notebook, removes the page with her bucket list and puts it in her pocket. 6)She opens her front door and leaves the apartement.

Really not needed. Makes the read tedious. You could simply have her leaving the apartment, dressed in rain gear. Don't need to go through her changing clothes.

Quoted Text A good rule of thumb is to start a scene as late as possible and leave it as early as possible. MATCH CUT:

????? Not sure what this is.

Hope these help in someway. Best of luck

I like what Stephanie's bucket list is. Most people would want to do more social and exciting things before they die. I thought Stephanie's more solitary dreams made her interesting. Because your script was so short, sadly you couldn't completely show your character's development. She starts your script crying, and that's before the audience gets a chance to know her and empathise with her. I thought this was good, though. Maybe you could explain how the doctor gave Stephanie the all clear, as that kind of came out of nowhere, and the patient seemed pretty sure she was going to die.