The Cleaner by Dan Walker - Short, Drama - An old cleaner upstages two FBI agents by solving the case. 8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Dan,

This was a fun little story although I think the ending came out of nowhere. So, the connection to the presidents was just a wrong direction the agents were taking the case? I was hoping something would come out of that.

I like the idea that the cleaner would figure things out basically just be remembering aspects of the people who he worked under.

I thought Charlie was going to remember how the killer was a history buff with extensive knowledge of the presidents or something all the while connecting that to the tragic death of the killer’s daughter.

None the less, the story was a fun ride. God job.
Logan

Hi Logan,

Thanks for reading.

I wanted to do a feature length on the 'Presidential links', but at this stage, I'm not quite up to writing a FBI thriller.  

  

Daniel,
good thriller story. It deserves a feature script. Cut to the point when Charlie appears, work on the agents (investigations, obstacles etc.) and then introduce Charlie and work to the third and final part of your script. If you are not comfortable with a feature, what's the big deal...we learn by writing.
My bst,
Fausto

Thanks Fausto.

I've learnt so much on this site already.