"…What's Down There.." by Tomas W Beaumont - Horror - A salvage crew encounters sheer terror when diving the wreckage of a legendary sunken freighter at the bottom of Lake Superior. 125 pages

synopsis - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

My first thought was - 125 pages? Goodness gracious...

Then I realized your action lines are extremely wordy. Less is best! Also, make sure you are writing in present progressive.

With that being said - I stopped after the first page... I'm not saying this is a bad script, because I honestly don't know - but I would seriously consider making those changes that I suggested, to shorten the script and to make the reader want to continue.

Good luck, hope the advice helps!

I read about 10 pages, and completely agree with Tyler - WAY overwritten!

Your opening scene shouldn't run more than 5 pages or so, based on what it covers.

Tyler commented on the overall length of 125 pages, which is indeed long...BUT...not necessarily too long. Here, it is definitely the writing that is causing the page count to bloat to 125.

Dialogue can be cut back, action/description can be cut way back.

Best of luck.