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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Thriller Scripts  /  Fox On The Run
Posted by: Don, November 5th, 2017, 4:50pm
Fox On The Run by Thomas Hughes - Short, Thriller - Chased by brigade fox hunters, a young man is the latest victim of an annual foxhunt. 7 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: JK2Write, November 6th, 2017, 1:10pm; Reply: 1
As a fan of fox hunting, I was looking forward to reading this. It's a fun read. A little dark though haha. The whole thing seemed vivid which is good. You hunt too?
Posted by: Marty, November 7th, 2017, 11:53am; Reply: 2
Thomas,

Congratulations on finishing your screenplay.

Nice story.

Not a hunter here, but I felt as though I understood the action taking place.

Nice pace. Vivid. Easy read.

Just a a couple of opinions and suggestions.

Transitions:
I'd eliminate all of the CUT TO's unless they are vital to the story.

Sluglines/Scene Headings:
Example:
EXT. WOODS - CONTINUOUS.
-You can lose the period at the end.
EXT. WOODS - CONTINUOUS

CONT'D and CONTINUED:
It was recently brought to my attention that I should consider removing the auto settings of CONT'D and CONTINUED. I did so and I found the read easier on the eyes and less busy.
That is my opinion the choice is solely yours.

Again, good job.

Best of luck to you on your current and future projects.

All the best,
Marty
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