A Distant Road by Jason Paul - Short, Drama - A white college student faces his father's disapproval when he joins the Freedom Rides during the Civil Rights Movement. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey, Jason. Gave this a read.

SPOILERS

Thematically, I loved it. Riding the Freedom bus past and present is an excellent story arc. The use of the blood stained letter very poignant.

There were some hiccups for me.

The Father's Voice Overs are far too long and far too often - while anyone of them was fine, they became tedious just do to volume by the end.

This:

Quoted Text YOUNG JOE We are dedicated to ending segregation. We're willing to face jail sentences, beatings, even death. Those of us on The Freedom Ride will continue until we can travel anywhere in the South with the same privileges and rights that are guaranteed for every citizen in America.

Really missed it for me. He's a kid - a recently beaten one at that and the essence of the thought is already in the story - no need to cram the theme down throats here. Make it more subtle, natural - simple and obvious. This is far too preachy and isn't the right voice IMO.

Anyway - I do love the story. Nice work. Hope the notes help.