The Trunk by Lee Ford Jackson - Horror - {no logline} 155 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

@Lee

Sometimes the nicest thing to do is the worst, but this is a mess.  I don't do this to be mean. Asking for feedback here  is no substitute for actually learning the craft of screenwriting, which seems easy but its actually really hard to do well.  

Is this from 2010?

It would be helpful if a logline came with your story.   But I didn't get far enough to see what kind of story you had, because you've got so many mistakes.  But I did read the first five pages.

Your opening, over BLACKNESS... it's a bit more than two pages.  Honestly, you could pare this down to half a page.  I get it, someone's being put in a trunk.   After that, it's a lot of the driver traveling, fumbling with the radio, putting the car in gears, ect...  

If I took time on this, I would whack away big chunks of description, bullet the big points, then FADE IN:  

It's almost like you are purposefully confusing the reader... always write with specificity and clarity.  Don't confuse us and think that it adds a level of mystery to your story.   The mystery and surprise and cleverness should come from within the story, from what the characters go through and discover.   For future reference, don't make us work so hard to read the thing.

Summing up; Let me finish with some positives: this is pretty much what a lot of first scripts look like.  Which is not necessarily a bad thing.  You can't learn and improve unless you put in the time and effort.   You'll someday look back on this script with fondness and chagrin -- when you've got more scripts under your belt after a better understanding of the craft.

Good Luck

Ghostie