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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  January 2018 Two Week Challenge  /  Writers' Choice and Who Wrote What.
Posted by: Mr. Blonde, February 9th, 2018, 11:18pm
First of all, I want to give you all a huge thank you for suffering through this bumpy ride with me. This'll probably go down as one of the messiest and most poorly-led xWCs ever. Still, you all (as best can be expected) kept your cool and tried treating others with respect so, in that sense, you're all winners. But, enough giving everybody trophies and let's get to what you have all been waiting so patiently for. These are the results.

Writers Choice:

Olympic (3.59) by Cameron Dueker (CameronD) writing as The Sullivan Brothers - Short, War - With the Trinity Test failed, two US Marines and two Japanese schoolgirls fight to survive Operation Olympic, the American invasion of Japan. 14 pages

Honorable Mentions:

Full Circle (3.44) by Steve McDonell (Stevie) writing as Don't Need No Stinkin' Logline - Short, Drama - {no logline}  11 pages

The Broken Kingdom (3.43) by Mark Renshaw (MarkRenshaw) writing as Some Guy - Short, Fantasy, Historical - In an alternate timeline in which Guy Fawkes blew up parliament and overthrew the English monarchy, on its anniversary half a century later, a French-American businessman finds himself on the run with Scottish Freedom Fighters after he inadvertently commits an act of heresy. 14 pages

The rest (in no particular order):

Miss Yemmie by Henry Christner (Stumpzian) writing as Hollis Brown - Short, Drama - The Soviet Union's plan to restart its failed Sputnik Program prompts the United States to build a new space center at the remote home of an aging prostitute. 11 pages

Signal Fire by Richard Neville (AlwaysTheNewGuy) writing as Neil Percival Young - Short, Adventure - How will anyone find their way in a brave new world? 13 pages

Operation Downfall by Joe Garza (Spqr) writing as Night Train - Short, Action - The atomic bombings against Japan never happened. The invasion of Japan did. 15 pages

A New Plan For Fat Man by John Staats (JEStaats) writing as Ny Name Here - Short, Drama - Leaders of the United States Armed Forces debate whether they should declare war with Germany or stay home and savor their victory in the Pacific. 11 pages

Sapere Aude by Dan Campisi (DanC) writing as Kant - Short, Adventure, War, Religion - The leader of a boys' club for troubled teens finds himself in a war with the most powerful, corrupt, cruel entity in the world, the unchecked Catholic Church. 12 pages

Fire and Water by Chris Bodily (ChrisBodily) writing as Deep Throat - Short, Crime, Thriller, Drama, Political, Historical Fiction - Ben Bradlee's decision to ignore the Watergate break-in comes back to haunt him four years later as Woodward & Bernstein try to prevent the Presidency of E. Howard Hunt. 15 pages

Not Even God Himself by Dave Farnum (heydaddystudios) writing as Buckwheat - Short, Sci Fi, Drama - When a travel agency undertakes the most ambitious voyage into space in the history of mankind, the men responsible are faced with the consequences of endangering a hundred thousand lives.  13 pages

# Gen (was The 13th Generation) by Darren Seeley (DarrenJamesSeeley) writing as E Pluribus Unum - Short, Comedy, Satire - Texting obsessions takes over a company's communication as a car designer gets a promotion.  15 pages

Thank you all and I declare this 2WC closed.
Posted by: LC, February 10th, 2018, 2:42am; Reply: 1
Ooh, I bypassed Olympic. Congrats to CD.

And... Well done, Stevie! Touched my heart.

And, thanks for the laughs, Mark!
I'm sure if he was still alive, Sellers would jump on this one. Right up my funny-bone alley.

Good job all. A difficult challenge.
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, February 10th, 2018, 3:05am; Reply: 2
Olympic was one of my 2 favourites so I'm well pleased it has won. Congratulations Cameron and a big pat on the back and secret Masonic handshake to all who entered. With this OWC ,  it realky was a win if you managed to get a script in. A tough challenge for sure, but a great one in my opinion.
Posted by: CameronD, February 10th, 2018, 12:16pm; Reply: 3
Oh my gosh! I won? lol Finally???? ;)

Wow the scores were really close so congrats to all who entered and to Stevie and Mark for turning in strong efforts as well.

That said, damn, I don't know if Olympic was the best script here. Commas as was mentioned by many are my arch nemesis and unfortunately I didn't have have the time to give the story at least a once over as there was another online contest I was participating in that ate up two free nights of work time. I submitted the script 8 minutes before the deadline so it was cutting it very close. Going back to reread there were a slew of typos and mistakes that I don't think a first place script is worthy of. But thanks for all the feedback and votes nevertheless.  

I am a high school history teacher so maybe I had a little leg up on others in that regard here which may have bailed me out. The idea for the story came from one of my lessons I give where my students research if the decision to drop the atomic bombs on Japan was morally and politically correct. As a result I knew quite a bit about the the alternative which I hope came through in Olympic. I'll write more about it under the script thread though since this isn't the place.

I did really enjoy this challenge as I do all of the OWCs. Having the opportunity to write a bunch of different genre's is great practice and the restrictions of the short format and challenge parameters really forces creativity.

Great job everybody! And thanks again!  (To actually win one of these has been a small goal for awhile now, lol.)
Posted by: SAC, February 10th, 2018, 12:43pm; Reply: 4
Congrats Cam, Stevie and Mark. Nice job to all the rest. Now I wish I’d read them all. I always kinda kick myself in the ass when I don’t enter one - it’s a lot of fun!
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, February 10th, 2018, 7:03pm; Reply: 5
Congrats Cam and all, tough challenge so well done for getting one in!
Posted by: PrussianMosby, February 10th, 2018, 7:04pm; Reply: 6
Congrats to you, Cameron, hard challenge.

Dan, the best script I read from you. A good performance in all areas.

Mark, your script reminded me of Bringing Out the Dead, Scorsese, lead Nic Cage, sub John Goodman, a highly under-estimated picture I constantly try to get a conversation about, written by Paul Schrader I believe.

Mr. Blonde, scary competition, but don't worry, better highs and lows, to get movement or controversy, and opinion. The entries were throughout strong. To me that's a heavy argument.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, February 10th, 2018, 10:48pm; Reply: 7
Congrats on winning Cameron!!! I liked yours.

Good job to everyone else as well!

I have one more to read per request and will try to get to it tomorrow.

The next OWC should be in April. If anyone feels like stepping up to the plate and running it, let us know. Otherwise, Don might let me do one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ;D
Posted by: Mr. Blonde, February 10th, 2018, 11:38pm; Reply: 8
How do you know I haven't already called dibs on April, yet, Pia? I mean, I haven't, but you don't know that... Lol. With that said, I'm still hoping Don will let me do my super special October one this time around. He didn't last time and it was a special OWC, but I think everyone is ready. =)
Posted by: FrankM, February 11th, 2018, 12:14am; Reply: 9
Congratulations Cameron. I didn't get to read as many as I'd like, but your was my favorite.

So... how would Angry Bear and Mr. Blonde propose to theme a OWC that launches April 1? :)
Posted by: ChrisBodily, February 11th, 2018, 3:17am; Reply: 10
I have to be honest, Olympic was one of my least favorites. I'm not sure whether that or The 13th Generation was worse. The writing/formatting on both were just atrocious... so much so that I bailed quite early. I bailed on Olympic by page 4.

But congratulations, Cameron, nonetheless. I'm sure with a drastic -- and I do mean DRASTIC -- rewrite, I might take a peak at a second draft.
Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), February 11th, 2018, 1:52pm; Reply: 11
The 13th Gen was definitely worse. I didn't like Olympic either, but with only 10 or so voters, I think the winning script always had the opportunity to be a surprise.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), February 11th, 2018, 5:12pm; Reply: 12

Quoted from DustinBowcot
The 13th Gen was definitely worse. I didn't like Olympic either, but with only 10 or so voters, I think the winning script always had the opportunity to be a surprise.


Agreed!

Posted by: khamanna, February 11th, 2018, 5:38pm; Reply: 13
My congrats to Cameron - Olympic was atmospheric and full of imagery. Interesting - judging by the comments on the shorts I thought Broken Kingdom was going to come first.

@Sean, why was the last October OWC special? Was it the tenth or something? Just curious)
Posted by: Warren, February 11th, 2018, 5:58pm; Reply: 14
Very manly OWC.
Posted by: Mr. Blonde, February 11th, 2018, 6:09pm; Reply: 15

Quoted from khamanna
@Sean, why was the last October OWC special? Was it the tenth or something? Just curious)


Exactly.
Posted by: Stumpzian, February 11th, 2018, 6:43pm; Reply: 16
Well done, Cameron, Mark, and Stevie. I like all three scripts. I also am impressed by your follow-up explanations of what was behind each one. And the photo of the Japanese girl with their bamboo weapons!
Quite an OWC, given how few entered. Props to Mr. Blonde (Sean) and Don.
Posted by: LC, February 11th, 2018, 6:59pm; Reply: 17
Speaking in general re OWCs...

I'd like to see a micro-short challenge - max 5 pages. That'd definitely be a challenge for me.

Or even a no dialogue challenge. Hmm, that might be taking it too far.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, February 11th, 2018, 9:16pm; Reply: 18
I have suggested those two in the past. No one seems interested...

We did an unofficial no dialogue OWC back in -06, I believe. At least four of the participants have moved on to really big things since. One of them writes for Hollywood studios now. Two are multiple produced writers, including features and one writes for a big video game company.

Writing a script with no dialogue might be boring to read, but it teaches you to tell a story visually.  :)
Posted by: LC, February 11th, 2018, 11:09pm; Reply: 19
Well, let's do an updated tally sometime soon and see if opinions have changed.
I think it would be a great exercise.
Posted by: Shakey, February 12th, 2018, 7:05am; Reply: 20

Quoted from Warren
Very manly OWC.


Yeah, it was.

It's a good thing to be forced to write to a brief - that's for sure. But I felt the theme pushed everyone towards exposition-of-grand-events rather than character development and, you know, stuff about what it's like to be a human being.

That was my first OWC, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. Definitely worthwhile, enjoyable and a good learning experience. Thanks to all involved: those that managed the competition, those that wrote scripts and everyone who critiqued the bejesus out of them too.

Also... thanks for enduring the delay in voting. That was my fault, I think (or at least partly so). I was out filming a story about a mum who's kid has leprosy, on a beautiful but very sweaty island in Indonesia.
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, February 12th, 2018, 8:36am; Reply: 21

Quoted from Grandma Bear
I have suggested those two in the past. No one seems interested...

We did an unofficial no dialogue OWC back in -06, I believe. At least four of the participants have moved on to really big things since. One of them writes for Hollywood studios now. Two are multiple produced writers, including features and one writes for a big video game company.

Writing a script with no dialogue might be boring to read, but it teaches you to tell a story visually.  :)


Agreed. My second short film has no dialogue until right at the end. It was quite a challenge but taught me so much.

Posted by: JEStaats, February 12th, 2018, 10:10am; Reply: 22
Show v. Tell. Both or either of those challenges sound great to me. Now the long wait until April.
Posted by: CameronD, February 12th, 2018, 10:27am; Reply: 23
Uh oh. Better start brainstorming ideas for a silent picture epic. ;)
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, February 12th, 2018, 1:52pm; Reply: 24

Quoted from CameronD
Uh oh. Better start brainstorming ideas for a silent picture epic. ;)


Die Hard remake starring Charlie Chaplin.
Posted by: khamanna, February 12th, 2018, 1:57pm; Reply: 25
I'm not sure if I'll be able to write something like that - no dialog, all prose or action. But this kind of stories are highly popular among producers. And just like Libby says it's a great exercise.
Posted by: FrankM, February 12th, 2018, 2:10pm; Reply: 26

Quoted from MarkRenshaw


Die Hard remake starring Charlie Chaplin.


I've always wondered what the script for something like The Kid would look like. At least to me it looks like a lot of the details were improvised (though interactions with the physical set were obviously pre-planned).

And even The Kid had some dialogue, just not very much of it.
Posted by: DanC, February 13th, 2018, 1:50am; Reply: 27

Quoted from PrussianMosby
Congrats to you, Cameron, hard challenge.

Dan, the best script I read from you. A good performance in all areas.

Mark, your script reminded me of Bringing Out the Dead, Scorsese, lead Nic Cage, sub John Goodman, a highly under-estimated picture I constantly try to get a conversation about, written by Paul Schrader I believe.

Mr. Blonde, scary competition, but don't worry, better highs and lows, to get movement or controversy, and opinion. The entries were throughout strong. To me that's a heavy argument.



Cam, great job.  Mark and Steve also awesome.  I enjoyed all 3 stories.

Thanks greatly PM.  I really appreciate that.

For the first time in forever, I felt pretty good writing it.  I agree with all the comments that were posted on it.

The only thing that I'm irked about is that Mark guessed which one was mine.  That means that I'm still too predictable.  I need to mix stuff up.

I have said this a number of times, but, thanks to each and every one of you that take the time to help me get better.  I appreciate all of you, and I know if I ever do sell something, it's due to this site.

I had a ball honestly.  I plan to write my history out now that it's over.  Plenty of you guessed correctly, which tells me that I did a decent job at my change.

Dan
Posted by: Mr. Blonde, February 13th, 2018, 9:11am; Reply: 28

Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Die Hard remake starring Charlie Chaplin.


Did you ever see the Nightmares and Dreamscapes episode "Battleground"? That episode was awesome and had zero dialogue.
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, February 13th, 2018, 11:29am; Reply: 29

Quoted from Mr. Blonde


Did you ever see the Nightmares and Dreamscapes episode "Battleground"? That episode was awesome and had zero dialogue.


Not seen that, but I do remember the Hush episode of Buffy which was either zero dialogue or mostly silent anyway. It's one of the best episodes they ever did.
Posted by: FrankM, February 13th, 2018, 12:16pm; Reply: 30

Quoted from MarkRenshaw


Not seen that, but I do remember the Hush episode of Buffy which was either zero dialogue or mostly silent anyway. It's one of the best episodes they ever did.


"Hush" had no actors speaking on set (until the very end), but some of the more intelligent characters did think to write things down or use a text-to-speech tool.

Agree it was one of the best ones they did, but still not quite zero dialogue.

Edit: Of course, the same catastrophe could befall modern teens or anyone in The Thirteenth Generation and they'd be so busy texting they might not notice.
Posted by: MarkItZero, February 13th, 2018, 2:02pm; Reply: 31
What the... people are talking about Buffy and I wasn't consulted!?

There's a good bit of dialogue at the beginning of Hush. There's Riley/Buffy doing their thing, I think it's the first time Willow and Tara meet at that Wicca group, some other stuff too.

But after that no talking till the very end.

One of the best episodes, for sure.
Posted by: DanC, February 14th, 2018, 2:41am; Reply: 32

Quoted from MarkItZero
What the... people are talking about Buffy and I wasn't consulted!?

There's a good bit of dialogue at the beginning of Hush. There's Riley/Buffy doing their thing, I think it's the first time Willow and Tara meet at that Wicca group, some other stuff too.

But after that no talking till the very end.

One of the best episodes, for sure.


Same here.  I loved Buffy.  Hey, why don't we have a OWC where we have to take an iconic show (like Buffy, or even crazy stuff like the Herculoids) and write an episode based on those characters?  It'd be fun.

Buffy was one of the best shows I have ever seen.  Yes, there were some not so good episodes, but, man, Sarah really brought that character to life.  And Hush was an awesome episode.

Dan
Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), February 14th, 2018, 2:54am; Reply: 33

Quoted from DanC


Same here.  I loved Buffy.  Hey, why don't we have a OWC where we have to take an iconic show (like Buffy, or even crazy stuff like the Herculoids) and write an episode based on those characters?  It'd be fun.


No, it wouldn't. I hate shows like that with a passion.
Posted by: FrankM, February 14th, 2018, 8:56am; Reply: 34

Quoted from DustinBowcot
No, it wouldn't. I hate shows like that with a passion.


What's wrong with the Herculoids? Any show where it's perfectly normal to fight off a starship with a slingshot can't be all bad :)
Posted by: MarkItZero, February 14th, 2018, 9:12am; Reply: 35

Quoted from DustinBowcot


No, it wouldn't. I hate shows like that with a passion.


That is a perfect line of Spike dialogue. Dustin wins!
Posted by: Stumpzian, February 14th, 2018, 9:28am; Reply: 36
It would be hard for me to evaluate such a script if I'd never seen the show. Yes, I could judge the script on its own merits, but I wouldn't be able to rate it based on how well it works as an episode.
For example, I've never seen one Buffy. I've never even heard of Herculoids.
Henry
Posted by: CameronD, February 14th, 2018, 9:37am; Reply: 37
Well then you are missing out. ;)
Posted by: FrankM, February 14th, 2018, 9:55am; Reply: 38
Instead of a Zero Dialogue Challenge, it could be a Herculoid Dialogue Challenge.

All dialogue must in the style of Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop or Gleep.

CAPTAIN
Rawr!

HELMSMAN
Wuh wah wah wah weh wah wah wuh wah.

CAPTAIN
Rawr!


That should help the reader figure out what's going on ;)
Posted by: eldave1, February 14th, 2018, 10:20am; Reply: 39

Quoted from Grandma Bear
I have suggested those two in the past. No one seems interested...

We did an unofficial no dialogue OWC back in -06, I believe. At least four of the participants have moved on to really big things since. One of them writes for Hollywood studios now. Two are multiple produced writers, including features and one writes for a big video game company.

Writing a script with no dialogue might be boring to read, but it teaches you to tell a story visually.  :)


I can see the questions now:

1. Does the rule only apply to humans - can animals talk?
2. What about Aliens?
3. Is sign language permissible?
4. What about unknown dialogues like Zulu?
5. Can characters speak in sounds?
6. Could I use music in place of dialogue?
7. Does dialogue coming from devices like radios and phones count?
8.:)

Posted by: Mr. Blonde, February 14th, 2018, 1:45pm; Reply: 40

Quoted from eldave1
I can see the questions now:

1. Does the rule only apply to humans - can animals talk?
2. What about Aliens?
3. Is sign language permissible?
4. What about unknown dialogues like Zulu?
5. Can characters speak in sounds?
6. Could I use music in place of dialogue?
7. Does dialogue coming from devices like radios and phones count?
8.:)


1. No.
2. No.
3. No.
4. No.
5. Sounds are allowed but only in the form of onomatapoeia. For example, if somebody stabs you in the kneecap with a fork, you'd likely yell out in pain.
6. No. No musical cues.
7. Yes, it counts as dialogue.

Easy peasy. Lol.
Posted by: eldave1, February 14th, 2018, 2:00pm; Reply: 41

Quoted from Mr. Blonde


1. No.
2. No.
3. No.
4. No.
5. Sounds are allowed but only in the form of onomatapoeia. For example, if somebody stabs you in the kneecap with a fork, you'd likely yell out in pain.
6. No. No musical cues.
7. Yes, it counts as dialogue.

Easy peasy. Lol.


Can I use mimes :)
Posted by: Grandma Bear, February 14th, 2018, 2:08pm; Reply: 42
Dialogue

noun
1.
conversation between two or more persons.
2.
the conversation between characters in a novel, drama, etc.
3.
an exchange of ideas or opinions on a particular issue, especially a political or religious issue, with a view to reaching an amicable agreement or settlement.
4.
a literary work in the form of a conversation
5.
a musical composition for two or more parts suggestive of a conversation

:)
Posted by: eldave1, February 14th, 2018, 2:12pm; Reply: 43

Quoted from Grandma Bear
Dialogue

noun
1.
conversation between two or more persons.
2.
the conversation between characters in a novel, drama, etc.
3.
an exchange of ideas or opinions on a particular issue, especially a political or religious issue, with a view to reaching an amicable agreement or settlement.
4.
a literary work in the form of a conversation
5.
a musical composition for two or more parts suggestive of a conversation

:)


Okay, thanks  - got it. My piece will be about an elderly man in a remote area in need of fuel for a fire. To his dismay, when he calls the local wood delivery service all he gets is a recording telling him that they have gone out of business.

Title" NO DIAL A LOG."

Posted by: Grandma Bear, February 14th, 2018, 2:46pm; Reply: 44
Lol!

I remember my script for that challenge. It was from a serial killer's P.O.V. How he stalked a woman and then finally killed her. Was my first script ever posted here. Some people still remember it.  ;D
Posted by: LC, February 14th, 2018, 6:27pm; Reply: 45

Quoted from Grandma Bear
...We did an unofficial no dialogue OWC back in -06, I believe...:)


I went looking cause it would have been interesting to read some of the no dialogue scripts, but there's only one OWC listed for '06 with a milk/horror  theme and I assume that's not the no dialogue challenge.

'Unofficial'?

Posted by: Grandma Bear, February 14th, 2018, 6:52pm; Reply: 46
Yes, it was unofficial as in the members did one on their own. :)
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