Quoted Text EXT. NEAR THE JAIL GATES - DAY |
Quoted Text Autumn leaves are seen falling from a nearby maple. |
Quoted Text CONSTANCE (17) is locked in a tight form-fitting cage, so tight that she cannot move. |
Quoted Text You can see her breath |
Quoted Text Had she not been restrained, she would have doubled over from the painful blow to her pregnant womb. |
Quoted Text Constance is asleep or unconscious |
Quoted Text JAILER Got ta clean ya up puppet! |
Quoted Text Though she'd not drank in days, |
Quoted Text When she does, her neighbors Brewster and Abernathy wait without. |
Quoted Text Brewster lifts her dress and rips off her knickers. He rapes her there held against the tree by her throat, next to the bloody carcass of her pet. |
Quoted from Warren If you are going to put a copyright notice on your work, put in on the bottom of the title page not on the actual script. |
Quoted from Warren Well which is it? You�re telling the story. I don�t think the aside that follows has much use. I don�t mind them personally as I do use them, but this is unnecessary. |
Quoted from Warren You need to try and work on changing the perspective from which you write. It will make the script a lot more enjoyable to read if it doesn�t feel like a list. What I mean is you do a lot of "he does this, he does that, he does this" and so on. |
Quoted from Warren Need to capitalise all character introductions. |
Quoted from Warren Regardless this was a great read, I really enjoyed it. It definitely made me feel something, which isn�t easy. The dialogue is well handled; I can appreciate how hard it is to write like that. I did feel slightly let down by the ending, I don�t really have a suggestion how to make it more fulfilling but I did want something more... if it comes to me I'll let you know. Overall, there are some easy to fix issues with the writing, but the story is solid. Well done. |
Quoted Text I'm using Amazon StoryWriter - It lacks the facility to place it elsewhere. |
Quoted Text My intention with it was to evoke more pity in the reader. |
Quoted Text I see your point but am unsure how to remedy. Have specific suggestions? |
Quoted Text It was when when we first met them in the courtroom in the immediately preceding scene. |