Reagan - gave a read to the first ten. Overall - nice work here.
Quoted Text INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Shana is sitting up in bed with a breakfast tray in front of
her. She is no longer in soft restraints, but is still
handcuffed to her bed. The section of her head that was
shaved now has a couple millimeters of peach fuzz. |
I would get rid of the ing word here. Just:
Shana sits up in bed with a breakfast tray....
Quoted Text SUPER: EIGHT YEARS LATER
INT. DR. FORSTER’S OFFICE - DAY
Shana sits uneasily in a chair. In another world, she would
be beautiful, but in this one she is so gaunt and unadorned
by makeup, her skin so leathery and uncared for, her face so
fearful and desperate, that no combination of genes could
make her attractive |
A SUPER has to be Superimposed over something. This should be formatted as:
INT. DR. FORSTER’S OFFICE - DAY
Shana sits uneasily in a chair. In another world, she would
be beautiful, but in this one she is so gaunt and unadorned
by makeup, her skin so leathery and uncared for, her face so
fearful and desperate, that no combination of genes could
make her attractive
SUPER: EIGHT YEARS LATER
Quoted Text INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Shana carries a tray to a table and sits. She looks out the
window. It’s night, and the window mostly reflects the
inside, but in the distance she can see a truck under a
street lamp.
|
Is this a flashback? If so, format as such. e.g., something like:
FLASHBACK - SHANA REMEMBERS - FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Shana carries a tray to a table and sits. She looks out the
window. It’s night, and the window mostly reflects the
inside, but in the distance she can see a truck under a
street lamp.
Anyway - for the most part - solid stuff