Wakersfield by KJ Kaskaske - Short, Drama - A young boy and girl form a tumultuous relationship that grows into something more during the lead up to a school play. 13 - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

I quite liked it at the beginning - the first 7 pages to be exact, but I'm missing the interaction between them. Everytime he or she does something bad they should have a little exchange, I think.
On p8 - forgot to introduce George
P9 - where did the flashback start if it ends there? Might have missed that.

P10 - from here on I couldn't understand why hobo and what Lydia planned to do with him. And how she did it. You didn't explain much.

From there on it became a bit of disjointed for me. Then onto Brock's mature years... Maybe you need to theme it around something, some object both are fighting for, or attention of someone to bring it together.
I know it's a love story and how they became a couple but it's missing something for me. It's still a good story though.

Hey there KJ,

I think the logline is interesting. I gotta admit, I was looking forward to reading about a school play and two children falling in love behind the scenes. Reminded me a lot of my childhood. :)

There are a few things that I wanted to mention however.

On PG 2:

When you introduce Lydia, you forgot to capitalize her introduction. A simple mistake.

Also on PG 2:

This has more to do with personal taste but when the two are talking online, I think I would prefer it if their messaging was formatted as regular dialogue.

You can add parentheses under the character lines to indicate it's text.

I formatted the way you did for one of my scripts where two characters had a conversation while texting and then I changed it and formatted it like regular dialogue. It just looked more visually appealing. More white space.

Again, it's a personal thing.

Keep up the work,
Happy Writing!

-Austin