Mugged by 0 - Short, Comedy - Writing can be burdensome - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Meta af

4/5

Okay, I confess — I laughed.  Especially at the ending.  Good job here. And Steven’s right. Very meta.

Best of luck,
Gary

Ah - the bane of our existence.  Relevant for sure.

I don't git it. This is total fiction as a reel writer KNOWS that there werk rox!

Heh heh. Luv'd it.

Wasn't expecting that. Nice tongue in cheek story. Was quite funny, the 'goodest'. Made me laugh in places. This deserves to go a few rounds in the comp, if not win.

That was epic.

Got a laugh out of me! Loved it, especially the near end.

This one was certainly inspired!  Good job!

Mugged

I liked the irony and the overall direction isn't bad, (good fourth wall breaking regarding the brevity of the very short the viewer is actually watching that moment… kind of). But a real out of this challenge form would have been doable, and actually, I believe, be much more entertaining, even justify a production perhaps.
3

Captured me perfectly.

Well done.

Very good. I laughed just thinking about you guys.

That damn mug, one-day it will be mine!!!

Well written and a fun little story.

I'm 99.9% sure I know who wrote this.

Well done.

I didn't really want to like this because it uses an old device writers fall back on when they can't think of what write about. That is, write about not having anything to write about.
But, you turned it around for me. And everyone here can relate.

Very good! Haha. Reminds me of me lately.

I’ve read three or four of these so far, and not a lousy one in the bunch.

Good job, writer.

Steve

This was a good laugh. I'm a little conflicted with the words on the mug. They say to never write "unfilmables" and the word "goodest" will never fit visibly on a mug ha ha. Although to be honest, I don't like the choice anyways. I know that it pertains to the previous exchange where the husband says "I write good", but it shows the wife's sarcastic side-- an almost "I love you even if you're the worst writer" side. And this is at odds with her almost "cold" side that she exhibits in the punch line.

I feel like the wife that makes her struggling husband a sarcastic gift, would never be the wife that says "fuck it" and walks out of the room not giving it to him. It would be better IMO to give them a sort of "Rosanne and Dan" dynamic from the start.

-Overall, good job!

Am I the only one who didn't like it?

This idea ran through my head at every stage of the contest. Breaking the 4th wall is too easy. Would have preferred that the writer tried to live up to the challenge. This has no 'real world' relevance outside of this contest.

Hmm, well, "possibly" I gave one star too many here, not sure, but there's also some fresh and unique within here, that communicates somehow, to me at least, in an odd way, 'well, I show someone who writes what you see now', which I find interesting. Then your very last sentence is where it lacks, yap. As a whole, it shouldn't go into its overall and definite 'we're into this specific contest here direction'.

I mean, what needs to be done to make this understandable to others… place a legend into the text field under the youtube screen that says we had a challenge here and it relies on this and that and then it's funny if you understand in context to A and B… no, does not work

So, I know what you mean but some aspects still work for me as is.

LOL!

I enjoyed the wife's part. She's a smart cookie. Him? Not so much. Had a too familiar feel for me - the: 'I write good' thing. I dunno, it might make a funny short film.

I freaking loved this.  Sienfeld lives on.

5.

Dan

This one was produced :) Who would have guessed?

All OWC participants can relate:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGe3R5SDjGQ

Quoted from eldave1 This one was produced :) Who would have guessed? All OWC participants can relate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGe3R5SDjGQ

That was great, Dave. Very well produced and the actors had excellent comedic timing. So random that this was produced but it works well even for someone that doesn't understand the internal struggle that is winning a crappy mug :p

Loved it!

Quoted from Warren That was great, Dave. Very well produced and the actors had excellent comedic timing. So random that this was produced but it works well even for someone that doesn't understand the internal struggle that is winning a crappy mug :p Loved it!

Thanks buddy

Loved it!

Only one criticism...
I wanted more.  :D

Quoted from LC Loved it! Only one criticism... I wanted more.  :D

Thanks!

How about a mug with 2 straws...

P.S. - That was really funny.

Quoted from steven8 How about a mug with 2 straws... P.S. - That was really funny.

Thanks

Funny! I enjoyed it. Congrats, Dude. :)

Lol! I think everyone here can relate!

PS: Added the video in the original post.

Don’t think I read any of the scripts from this tournament, might just pour over some of them later. This was actually really funny; the dude they picked nailed the whole emotional torment many o’ SS writers can relate to, well done!

Read some of the comments too:

Quoted from RJP They say to never write "unfilmables" and the word "goodest" will never fit visibly on a mug ha ha.

Stick THAT in your MUG and smoke it! lol

Quoted from Zack Funny! I enjoyed it. Congrats, Dude. :)

Thanks, Zack

Quoted from Grandma Bear Lol! I think everyone here can relate! PS: Added the video in the original post.

Thanks!