A Generous Donation by Warren Duncan - Short, Drama - A homeless man receives a beautiful gift. 1 page - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Filmed as "Memories"

Oh, Indian Giver, that was beautiful.

This was a good one.

Not as enamored with this as the others here, but still a nice little story.

Best of luck,
Gary

A wonderful, uplifting tale. I enjoyed this one a lot, too.

That was great. Simple, effective, moving. Think I'll learn from this one.

This probably needs some more pages to do it justice, drama is difficult in one page.

Now you've gone and got me all choked up. I guess that means it was a pretty damn good little short. Nicely done!

Wow, that last line gave me goosebumps!

For one page that’s impressive.

That was sad.  Good work getting so much across in such a short time.  Again, I wish that you'd spend more time with her and less on traffic and others.

Get to the crux of the story, fast.

Spoilers

If that's her dad, why only throw a pic down??  Work on that part and this could be really special.  Solid 3.  If I could do 3.5 I would.  This is slightly below the other 2 that got a 4 from me.

Dan

A Generous Donation

A super clean read. The expression isn't dramatic enough though. Like: Why didn't she care before? And why then should I be touched by those people? There's just a dramatic element missing that makes us identify more and make them reasonable. Still, not bad.
3

Who knows what happens next or what has happened before (or why)?
All these one-pagers are completely self-contained. Readers can infer certain things if they pay attention to what the writer has implied. This applies to a lot of scripts in this competition, which is what makes the one-page challenge so fascinating.

That said, I take this one at face value. It's poignant. Thumbs up.

Nice little tear jerker you got there. Is this a prequel to Eat Fresh by any chance? Before our homeless hero begins to devour souls on the subway? lol

Good job!

Great job. This is one I'm putting on reserve until I review the others - definitely gets a 4, may get a 5 depending on the quality of the rest.  Simple, yet moving, with the one line of dialogue being an extremely powerful statement.

One of the criteria I'm using in my head is to test if the story would be enhanced at 5 pages. This one doesn't need additional pages. The theme was conveyed perfectly, and there's a complete story within the 60 seconds of screen time.

And I won't penalize you for it writer, but please do me a favor and look up the origins of the term "Indian Giver"...

(0:

AJR

Very nice job here.

SPOILERS

I would shorten this up:

Quoted Text “Dementia sufferer. Please help. Any donations will be appreciated. I won’t remember your face, but I will remember your generosity. God bless you.

It's a really long sign.

That's a real nit issue I know.

I enjoyed this one - great work

Quoted from eldave1 It's a really long sign. That's a real nit issue I know.

It didn't bother me.

Not uncommon to see two or three sentences scrawled on a piece of cardboard on a city street. Not sure who the intended audience is for those longwinded pleas, most people will decide to stop or walk past well before they finish reading.

Sweet

Touching, I like it.  Good job.

An Indian Giver gives something then wants that same thing back.

She wants him back? She's going to take the photo back? I dunno. I'm getting all confused as to whether the title is apt or whether you got confused with your title's meaning.

It's a little too 'Hallmark card' for me. And yet...

I know the playground meaning of the term, however "Indian Giver" is a pejorative statement resulting from White settlers' misunderstanding of Native American culture.

Quoted from LC An Indian Giver gives something then wants that same thing back. She wants him back? She's going to take the photo back? I dunno. I'm getting all confused as to whether the title is apt or whether you got confused with your title's meaning. It's a little too 'Hallmark card' for me. And yet...

You might be the one getting confused. The title is A Generous Donation. Indian Giver is the writer.

I thought that was clear.

Right. Thank you. Clearly went off on a nonsensical tangent here.
Picking up on something Ajr mentioned, so...

I knew what the title was btw.

A Generous Donation has been optioned to a student from the University of North Florida to be turned into a speculative commercial.

Filmed

Well done, Warren. Congrats!

Thanks for getting this up so quick, Don. I thought it might only be up after the WT finished.

So this was actually a script that was written for the last WT, so the timing is pretty cool. It also ticks off one of my goals for the year to have at least 1 short filmed, so happy days.

It's also nice to have something a little lighter filmed for a change.

For what it is, I think they did a great job. I've literally seen someone tear up watching it so I guess the intent was achieved :)

Quoted from Philostrate Well done, Warren. Congrats!

Thanks, David. Appreciate it.

Shameless bump because I know the timing is bad. I won’t bump it again, well maybe once more after the WT ends.

Haha!  Glad you did or I would have missed the boat.   Turned out rather nicely.  Congrats Warren. -Andrea

Thanks, Andrea :)

I have quite a few shorts optioned at any time, but checking my IMDb this morning it shows a new credit with this going into pre-production once again.

Happy days :)

Congrats, Warren!

Quoted from Warren I have quite a few shorts optioned at any time, but checking my IMDb this morning it shows a new credit with this going into pre-production once again. Happy days :)

Congrats, Dude! :)