To The Flame by 0 - Short, Sci Fi  - A young starship captain must save his ship from an alien attack. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Very nice - when I read the fist passage I thought - oh no - going to be a bad one - and then - bravo - turned into one of my favs.

Nice job

Nice work, writer. Wasn't sure where this was going with an eight year old Captain. Thought it was a typo. Loved the last line.

Saw where this was going but liked it.

To The Flame

Good twist. Not bad.
3

Solid twist. Works for me.

A very sure hand at work here.  Like the twist — and the little details that you pick up on the second time it’s read. Great job here.

Best,
Gary

Very nice, liked everything about it very much.

A cute little tale, nothing else to add.

This was enjoyable. Good writing on display and a well rounded story.

I wondered at the age of the Captain, but didn't see the twist coming.

Cute story. I liked this one a lot too. Reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes.

I'm wondering how this would work on film. Would the opening scene be filmed as written, with an 8-year-old captain calling the shots?
Also, I think I'd go with first names only so we don't wonder why mother and son have different last names (though I like the Jack Be Nimble reference).
Anyhow, I like this. Reminds me of camping with my son long ago. Except he would've had a Millennium Falcon.

I like this one.  It's uses a good amount of imagination, shows us the child's imagination relative to his situation.  Think you nailed this one.

Solid script. Nice dialogue. The action was done well.

A+

Kapla.

Quoted from CameronD Kapla.

Mirab, his sails unfurled.

I kind of knew where this was going after you gave the age of the captain. It's a cute story, child's imagination and all. Not sure if it's the equal of some of the others I've read but it's certainly very solidly written.

Nicely written story. Am I the only one wondering what is actually on film for the first part of this? A close-up of the model starship? What of the crew? Is Jack doing all the voices?

Sorry to be dim, or blonde, or whatever...

It's a lovely inventive tale and once the campground comes into the forefront I get the trick, but I'm still left wondering how to Produce this based on your written blueprint.

Quoted from LC Nicely written story. Am I the only one wondering what is actually on film for the first part of this? A close-up of the model starship? What of the crew? Is Jack doing all the voices? Sorry to be dim, or blonde, or whatever... It's a lovely inventive tale and once the campground comes into the forefront I get the trick, but I'm still left wondering how to Produce this based on your written blueprint.

I pictured it as an actual starship bridge set at first (and thought the captain's age was a typo), not entirely unlike the Spaceman Spiff skits in Calvin and Hobbes.

It wouldn't have to be a replica of "real" Star Trek set, but something like what a kid would envision.

It was ok.  I wasn't as sold as some others were.

Dan

3

Writer,

Very cute. Thought there was something odd about an eight year old starship captain. Good work!

Steve