Love Me Tinder by 0 - Short, Drama - Be careful who you reject.  - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Pretty good. Maybe add some hint there's something off about her at the start - as in psycho. I liked a good bloody revenge though.

As they used to say on Monty Python, and now for something completely different. Liked the line “I always swipe right.”  Not sure I would call this a drama, but whatevs.  Good writing on display.

Best,
Gary

Not bad, this one has a comedic edge to it.

I liked Jenny's last line. Overall, good little short. Makes me wonder how nonchalant Jenny really is to kill someone and then just go back to business at a crowded bar. Psycho, indeed.

It's a bit coincidental to your story that Nathan got jenny's profile in his list at the exact point he looks at it, and she’s there in the bar. Not really how the app works. Long-time Tinder user here :P

Makes you think she’s done this before, but if she’s just killing in the street, how is she getting away with it? A few logic issues.

Didn’t do a whole lot for me.

Not bad but I had no idea what Tinder was. Maybe another victim of the page count but a short description of what swiping left vs. right would mean to these singles would be a big help. Jenny's intro should be capitalized and the interior location headings could have been part of an action to save space for more detail.

All in all, a decent little short.

Excellent title. I don't know how I know what Tinder is, but I do.
A few minor things I'd edit, plus I'd drop the last paragraph and end instead with her "I always swipe right" line.
Thumbs up.

Love Me Tinder

Very cool and modern. Definitely works. It has a lot to offer. Wrong genre reference from my sight though. Ahh whatever, this can happen…
5

Definitely not drama. It's a bit too... out there to be considered drama. Horror / comedy, yes. Title was a cool play on words. Another script that didn't FADE IN and FADE OUT. I'm finding these hard to judge because they're basically ideas, and some are good ones, however like in this case, there's no way to plausibly set up the woman as a psycho murderer.

Is no fade in or fade out bending the rules or cheating them? This script would have undoubtedly hit the two page mark if it had them on the page.

Anyway...

She killed a guy in the smoking area of a nightclub with at least one witness. I am guessing we are to assume this isn’t the first time? I think you either need to lose the witness or make this feel more like a spur of the moment, one-off to make this work.

I like the concept. The writing needs to be cleaned up a bit.

I feel like the whole "swipe right" with a knife thing is so cool that some producer is going to stumble upon your script and steal it! Make it a set piece in a feature of something ha ha ha.

I'd say don't change your style-- tighten up the prose a little bit and... good job!

It's punchy and quite entertaining. I gave it a rating of 4.

Imh, this is horror not drama.

NATHAN
Yeah, look at you. Who wouldn’t?

Nathan should register some shock before this line. He hadn't seen her before this in the actual nightclub, right?

I like the social commentary, cautionary tale/fatal attraction theme of this one.
No-one likes being rejected.

Nice work.
P.S. The title is great.

Good!

Writer,

Definitely not the reveal I was expecting. Kinda came out of nowhere, and was a bit abrupt. Just a line of dialogue to clue us into her motivation. I don’t think it works. Good attempt though.

Steve

It's a 3.  All reviews done.  All but one I had rated average or better.  

Dan